Paul’s Perceptions – Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Preconceptions: Listen, I don’t necessarily hate Elton John, but I’m a little confused by all the praise. I’ve always assumed I just don’t get it.

After Listening: Ok, listening to Goodbye Yellow Brick Turd has helped me finally come to a conclusion on this clown—corny! Corny! Corny!!

Oh, and did I mention that it’s also silly? Like really damn silly! Silly! Silly!! Silly!!!

My biggest question here is what black magic Sir Elton is using to hypnotize the planet into praising his corny, silly, sickeningly melodramatic, pretentious and showy nonsense.

In this albums particular case, here are my gripes:
1)       It’s bloated and self indulgent as hell, which I don’t necessarily hold against an artist, but since this is so grotesquely moronic and pretentious, I hate it.
2)       It’s silly
3)       Synthesizers are silly
4)       The opening song, and some of the other nonsense on this record sound like they were lifted right off the cutting floor of the movie Labyrinth—and that is silly, no matter how much I might like Bowie sometimes
5)       There are corny and clichéd guitar riffs throughout the album, and they for some reason stand out in Candle in the Wind when the guitar is used as an accent here and there.
6)       Does he say the line, “she has electric boobs…” in the Bennie & the Jets song? Ordinarily I’d think electric boobs might be an awesome thing, and give those electric boobs a chance, because let’s face it, the potential for such a thing is astounding—depending on exactly what we are talking about when we say “electric”, of course. For instance, if we are talking electric in the electric fence sense, then boo to that.
7)       What’s with the retarded ass country nonsense at the end of the record? As if he weren’t corny enough just being the glorified bastard offspring of Librace and corny-ass Paul Shaffer, he decides to kick it up a notch on the silly scale by doing some dumb ass American country parody.

Bottom line is that this record and Elton John just streaked though my brain like a jewel encrusted comet of pretentious and clichéd suckiness, and I’m sorta unhappy about that, to be honest. I mean, it’s not that I can’t dig on some theatrical, tongue-in-cheeky, self indulgent rock from time to time—in fact I probably like some bands that can be described that way. But there is a decided lack of cool that I can’t shake off from between Sir Elton’s shiny sequined overcoat (trust me, he probably has one of those). Perhaps it’s just a personal taste thing, but I just don’t get it and I never have. This guy should be a joke, but everyone seems to love him. All that being said, he clearly has some serious musical ability—I’ll give him that—but why use it to such corny-ass ends? But who cares what I think, right? His black magic will keep the rest of the world enthralled for generations to come, perhaps. The shit is that powerful, son!

Favorites: uhh, well, I don’t know, I guess Song with No Title, because it seemed to me the least pretentious
Least: Jamaican Jerk-Off—stupid song, insultingly stupid title, it hurt my ears, Elton sucks

Overall: 1.2 Stars

Paul (41 Posts)

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