CranialSpasm

Today is Friday the 13th. Of course, Twitter and Facebook are full of attempted clever status updates about the spookyness of this date. Well… 13’s never been bad for me.

It turns out that 13 is either considered Lucky or Unlucky. I checked out wiki to see WHY it was associated with that specific number and here were the things that made me go “hmm… alright. I can understand how it was lucky or unlucky in the past.”

Unlucky

- Fear of the number 13 has a specifically recognized phobia, Triskaidekaphobia, a word which was coined in 1911. The superstitious sufferers of triskaidekaphobia try to avoid bad luck by keeping away from anything numbered or labelled thirteen. Many hotels and tall buildings omit a thirteenth floor.
- 13 turns (where the rope is wrapped around itself) make a traditional hangman’s noose. Anything less would not snap a neck. It was considered a “humane” noose… And that is ridiculous. There is nothing humane about watching a body dangle, especially when it doesn’t immediately snap the neck.
… Why have I even thought of this?
- At Jesus Christ’s last supper, there were thirteen people around the table. Google that painting and count it. Twelve apostles and Jesus. I’m guessing what happened to Jesus the following day was pretty unlucky.
- If a woman’s menstrual cycle is 28 days, 13 cycles will occur during the year. That’s unlucky for dudes, AMIRITE GUYZ???
(That’s “am I right” mom. I’m being cheeky)

Lucky

- In a tarot card deck, XIII is the card of Death, usually picturing the Pale horse with its rider. However, the Death card doesn’t always mean death in a tarot reading. Oftentimes it can signify change.
Admittedly, I found more unlucky things than lucky things because I really don’t care about sports, Taylor Swift’s Birthday or a Megadeth album title.

It’s never been an unlucky number in my family. My grandmother, my brother, and I were all born on the 13th of various months. Thirteen is a child’s first twelve months as a teenager. Okay… Admittedly, that sucked.

I’m curious. For all of the people that have posted comments about it being Friday the Thirteenth, do they actually have a reason to feel it’s unlucky? Friday the 13th wasn’t considered a damnation day before the 19th century. I would think that unless you are being chased around by a soggy grey bobblehead of a child that died, resurfaced, tossed on a hockey mask and delivered watery vengeance against people… You’ll be alright.

“Look Pepperidge Farm, I’m really fond of you. Imma let you finish, but Arnott’s
makes the best Tim Tam of all time.”

I just Kanye-D cookies.

Slam.

Often times I think about my childhood, because I am incredibly self-involved (obviously, I have a blog and a youtube page and I love being on podcasts). It seems that everytime I think about going to toy stores as a child, one in particular always pops into my brain.

Child World. Sounds like magic, right? Well it was. The store was so enormous for my teeny self that whenever we entered, it felt like I had walked into an alternate reality. The best part of the store was that even though it was humongous, it also had a playscape in the middle. When I mention playscape, I’m sure a thousand Americans think “like McDonalds ball pit”?

Hell. No.

In the center of Child World, there was an enormous jungle gym shaped like a castle where the entire thing was surrounded by fences. I’m sure that my parents dropped us off in their so they could get their shopping done, but I would always run around like a bold warrior who could also shoot fireballs from her hands.

I was like a witch. I remember that whenever my mom would take us out of there, I would cry because I thought it was going to go away.

One day, we drove by Child World and I was super excited that we were going. Horror overtook me as I saw the windows were dark and there was a sign. I couldn’t read it from so far away, but I knew that it was closed for good. I remember uttering a curse on that building that nothing there would last for very long.

From then on, that building has housed dozens of businesses that go belly up. I thought that they had broken my curse when Circuit City moved in, but the ENTIRE FRANCHISE went out of business.

The moral of this story?

Don’t fuck with me. I’m magic.

… but this toy was pretty mint.

You all know that my buddy sends me funny emails to make my days brighter. This came in this morning and made me laugh so hard, my ribs hurt.

He sends me THIS image:

Followed by just this in the subject line: “Because Ed Hardy is for POOR d-bags.”

UPDATE!: He doctored the photo for me.

I checked my Twitter feed and some celebs posted how disappointed they were that Obama approved the legalization of horse slaughter for human consumption. Some of the celebs are not vegans, nor are they vegetarians, so here is about twenty minutes of me being an asshole on Twitter. A few friends joined in on the conversation and it made me laugh.

@cranialspasmAlison Baziak: Obama okayed horse slaughter farms. The vocally “disappointed” celebs aren’t vegan. I hope that hypocrisy tastes as great as that steak.

@cranialspasmAlison Baziak:  I am not a vegan. I don’t think I’ll be eating horse because I’m not a fan of venison, and I assume the meat would be similar.

@CaitlinTake2Caitlin H.:  @cranialspasm I’m not a vegetarian or a vegan, but I am disappointed in that decision.

@CaseyCcCCasey:  @cranialspasm eating horses makes you faster.

@cranialspasmAlison Baziak:  @CaitlinTake2 can you explain why? I’m curious, not hostile.

@CaseyCcCCasey:  @cranialspasm @CaitlinTake2sorry to jump in. feel like we’ve all agreed upon what is and isn’t ok to eat over the yrs, so this feels weird

@cranialspasmAlison Baziak:  @CaseyCcC @caitlintake2 But is it judging the benefit of one animal over another?

@CaseyCcCCasey:  @cranialspasm @caitlintake2 yes but I think it’s just culturally, we haven’t done that, so it isn’t going to sit well w/ people.

@CaitlinTake2Caitlin H.:  @cranialspasm … Kid probably is what makes me look at them in a different light. Never saw them as a food source. Nor dog, cat, frog, etc.

During the entire tirade, I kept posting things that made me laugh. Here they are (with some comments from Casey)

@cranialspasmAlison Baziak:  I’d probably try wolf meat if it was prepared for me, so as much as it pains me to make an irrelevant decision, I guess I’m Team Edward.

@cranialspasmAlison Baziak:  Now I’m really confused. I might eat Vampire if it’s prepped for me. So I guess I’m Team Anna Kendrick (she was that human friend, right?)

@cranialspasmAlison Baziak:  Of course, now that I think about it, being in a Team that ingests their opponents doesn’t interest me either.

@CaseyCcCCasey:  @cranialspasm so you don’t like playing European rules basketball?

@cranialspasmAlison Baziak: @CaseyCcC I would be horrible in a team plane crash too. “Why are you devouring Greg? There are canned peaches RIGHT HERE!”

@CaseyCcCCasey:  @cranialspasm why would you bring canned peaches on the trip? I’d bring a book probably.

A part of me thinks I’m going to get a bunch of shitty comments on my blog for this. To be honest, I can understand both points of view. I don’t really have an opinion on the matter as I have no desire to taste horse flesh.

At work on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have been invited to join a friend’s work email posse that reviews random albums.

This is how they devolve into massive pointless emails… I’m added in to them. Luckily, Seth is the dick-chain killer. Worst. Villain. Ever.

Ali: A Fine Frenzy is sad, whiny, faux-folk music that either belongs in Grey’s Anatomy or if Zach Braff decides to make another movie it will be the song listened to by the quirky girl with a mix of mild Asperbergers and tourettes that he thinks he’ll be in love with forever.
Marissa: I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be this pragmatic. Your description of chicks in Zach Braff movies really takes the romance out of it all, despite the fact that it’s absolutely spot on.
Ali: That’s me… Ali the Romance Killer.
Seth: You really need to work on your rap name.
Ali: SHUT UP AND REVIEW, CODE MONKEY!
Seth: Not in front of the children, dear.
Ali: Am I being uber dickish today? If so, I apologize. I think my humor is skewed due to the fact that I had a dream I was a bounty hunter. I know realize that I want to be in a procedural show playing the sarcastic tough-as-nails bounty hunter that you wouldn’t ever expect.
Seth: No, we should just save the shouting for when we are alone with an empty bottle of Cab Franc and an overflowing ashtray.
Josh: Well I stepped on your dick so you have a right to be angry.
Ali: I have to remember to not leave it lying around.
Seth: I almost sprained my ankle on it yesterday.
Ali: It’s not so much the length as it is the equally unyielding girth.
Josh: like a sterno can…
Marissa: Are you talking about a Harry Potter wand or a body part? In fairness, it’s always difficult for me to tell the difference in a written context
Ali: Think “Henry Rollin’s neck”
Seth: Henry Rollin’s Neck is my Husker Du coverband.

Also? My hypothetical penis is terrifying.