Review: The Very Last Songs I Will Ever Record (Part 1)

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a major lady boner for all things comedy. Laughing about life is a fun and easy way to deal with what comes at you. I surround myself with funny people and when I’m alone, I fill my earholes with sweet sweet comedy recordings. When I was in highschool, most teens were hellbent on going to a rock concert or tour. I was the girl that had to find the closest comedy venue to laugh my face off.

For those of you that follow me regularly on Twitter, you know that I have a major nerd crush on the Nerdist, aka Chris Hardwick aka “Hard” of the geek rock comedy duo Hard’N’Phirm.

This review is going to focus on the Yin to Hardwick’s Yang, the Duke to his Nukem, the jelly to his peanut butter, the guitar to his melodica, the duck to his goose – “Phirm” aka Mike Phirman.

On May 17th, Phirm  released his debut solo album “The Very Last Songs I Will Ever Record (Part 1)”.

If the title hasn’t made you laugh yet… I can wait… … There we go.

On the album, Mike wrote and played all of the instruments on all but two of the tracks. Those two are musicless and are there to teach you valuable phrases in Spanish. Beginners Spanish (Sec. 13) is especially necessary when preparing for the inevitable future.

The lyrics in all of his songs are intense and thought provoking. Take a look at one of the complex songs that he must have spent years writing.

Brings a tear to your eye, right?

In the age of music at the click of a button, it is rare for me to say that I will intentionally sit through an entire album. I will listen to this 13-track hug from Mike and wish I could hug it back.

Do yourself a favor, go to Mike Phirman’s website and download the album. There is no minimum payment required, but it goes straight to Phirm’s pocket and not to a record company. So toss some monies his way!

Oh! Did I mention there is a very familiar voice that is easy to recognize? Here’s a hint: He wears Hawaiian shirts, though I don’t think he’s ever performed in Hawaii.

Follow Mike Phirman on Twitter. He is made of funny.

Cyber-Bullying

Recently, I have read and witnessed some incredibly childish things on and regarding the internet. Cyber-bullying and such.

Frankly, it’s ridiculous.

People, in general, are insecure. Don’t deny it, there is something about yourself that you don’t like or can’t control. It bothers you. I’m sure if I spent about fifteen minutes with you I could locate that one insecurity and point it out. But why would I want to?

Some inflammatory remarks were made about a friend of mine on a very public forum. Let’s call her Lena. Lena had been worried for awhile that she was slowly being edged out of a circle of friends that she had created. Two of the girls in the circle (I’ll name them Terry and Kim as I have no clue who they actually are) starting hanging out exclusively and not inviting Lena along.

Lena thought it was malicious in nature, but I (being uncharacteristically optimistic) told her that sometimes people click in different ways. It didn’t mean that they didn’t like her. They didn’t want to make her feel like they were making her do something she didn’t want to do. I’ve done it, Lena’s done it, and it’s been done to me. So she thanked me for the input and I thought I had heard the last of it.

This morning I come to find out that Terry had posted some negative comments about Lena’s weight on a social site, for everyone to read. Okay, first off? Lena? Not a heavy girl. Secondly, the only person that anyone should listen to about the issue of weight should be at a desk with a fucking doctorate sitting on their god damned wall.

It seems insane to me that people will point out a woman’s deepest insecurities to make themselves feel better. Here are things that you should never say. If you find them coming out of your mouth (or being posted on a public fucking site), smack yourself or find someone to do it for you.
“You’re only pretty with makeup.” 
“You’d be so pretty if you’d only [insert some type of grooming/dressing]”
“You’re such a pig.”
“Us fat girls have to stick together.”  (Yep. I really hate it when someone classifies you in a group to make themselves feel less self conscious.)
Also, if you threaten a woman’s intelligence or their parenting, you’re a fuckface.

In this day and age, the ability to share your opinions becomes easier. Add in the buffer that you’re typing those thoughts instead of saying them to the person’s face, it is leagues easier to put someone down.

I’ll be the first person to support the First Amendment, but if our forefathers saw the drivel spouting from some people’s lips because they “can”… They’d be ashamed of the warping of something that was meant to support our ability to share VALUABLE opinions.

When you publicly slander someone, you do it with the intention of making them feel bad about themselves. What you don’t realize is that in the process… YOU make yourself the asshole. You seem petty and cruel.

Whether or not you felt you had a purpose in doing something like that, the only thing you effectively do is make yourself the villain. I’m not talking about the cool, calculated villain that attacks someone with a sophisticated plan. I’m talking about Shredder’s Footsoldiers, the nameless Cobra employees, the Kingpin’s henchmen. That’s right. By mounting such an obvious attack, you become the expendable one.

Imagine Kim and Terry’s surprise when they entered a group activity and had people glaring at them like they were diseased. You want to know why they looked at you that way girls? Because you made it obvious to thousands of people on a social site that you have absolutely no discretion.

I’m glad you two found each other. You’re going to be the only friends you have.

Wrong Morning to Fuck With Me.

hahahaah! i love me.
Me: “Hey, I need you to go to Chester.”
Employee: “Well, I’m heading to Willimantic.”
Me: “And? It’s 9 in the morning. When you’re done in Willimantic, you can head into Chester.”
Employee: *incoherent grumbling where I believe I heard him call me a not so nice name*
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Employee: “What’s the info?”

Expanding on My Previous Depression Post

Recently, because of the death of Andrew Koenig, I’ve been revisiting old diaries/journals/whatever you want to call them and have been fascinated at how much I have grown in such a seemingly insignificant amount of time. The entries are dark, and I had even mentioned times that I had physically punished myself during the bad times.

During my darkest times, I remember feeling like a porcelain doll. The slightest interruption or offset seemed cataclysmic to me, like I would plummet from my little shelf and crack into a thousand pieces.

I know that feeling isn’t ever going to go away. I’d like to think that I have progressed enough to know when I’m having one of those days. Trust me, if something is going wrong with me… I will look for someone to talk to. I know that a lot of people that suffer from depression feel that they don’t. That, or they have had a bad experience with one person turning them away that they feel like everyone will turn them away or trivialize their emotions.

But you know what?

It’s okay to be sad. Embrace the sadness. Be aware of the sadness. The fact that you can recognize that you’re stressed and disheartened proves that you’re looking at things proactively. Even though you don’t necessarily know how to fix it, you know that they need to be fixed.

One step at a time you can alter your perceptions and work on things and then look back on this day and go “Yeah, things were bleak. I fixed what I could and I’m working on the rest.” That happened to me as I looked at my old “angst-filled” entries.

Life is like the Wheel of Fortune tarot card. Things can change.

Giving up is not an option.

If you are feeling suicidal at all, please check out this site. It offers ways of dealing with suicidal thoughts and desires.

Yes, I consider a thought and desire (in this case) to be separate.

A suicidal thought can be a fleeting “I wonder if anyone would miss me” type thing. A suicidal desire would be the itch to do bodily harm to yourself.

My biggest hope is that someone reads this and realizes that they are not alone in feeling the way they do.

So please… get help if you need it. Even if you’re not sure if you need it, ask someone. Talk it out. Start a blog. It can be anonymous. Sometimes letting out your feelings under a nom de plume helps. Letting something bottle inside results in anxiety, stress, and taking something too far.

Are… You… Kidding… Me…

Well that’s just lovely.
I was driving home from work on route 5 when I hit E. Windsor. I was sitting at the light to turn a left unto 91S and I’m stuck three cars behind the light when I spot something bright to my left. I look over and there is a man in a flourescent yellow jacket lying on the side of the road. There is a forest green jeep right next to him. He gets up, brushes off his pants and checks on his bicycle.
While he is doing this, the woman in the jeep (with a Massachusetts license plate) drives off unto the on ramp for 91N.
I am disgusted by this. This woman HIT the fucking biker and took off. I couldn’t chase after the bitch for her license plate number. I had to sit and just watch in horrified fascination as the older gent scurries across the street to get to sidewalks. He looked shaken up and I wanted to shout to see if he was okay, but he looked like he was ready to jump at the next thing that happens to him.
The woman in the jeep needs to be hit by a car. For realzies.

Hollywood Music Examiner: Gearing Up for Something Big

Here’s an email from a friend of mine who is incredibly talented! Please help him out!

I’ve been working for Examiner.com as the Hollywood Music Examiner for a few months now and it’s going really good. Laurie, myself, and a couple friends out here have been planning to do a web-show that would keep everyone up to date on the latest music releases. Laurie will be hosting the show, and it’ll be very sarcastic and funny, not unlike Webb Alerts with Morgan Webb (look on Google for episodes of that show). We’re trying to cover all the bases in terms of the music. Coming up, we’ll have:

Reviews of the new Jimi Hendrix posthumous release, Valleys of Neptune Articles about the restoration of the Webster Theater in Hartford, CT and the new photos there by my friend, Jeremy Saffer Reviews of big name artists that AREN’T just heavy metal: Nas, Jamie Foxx, Natalie Merchant, and whoever else puts out an album, basically. Reviews of live shows ranging from Megadeth to various DJs working the club scene

Anyway, to get this show up and running we need your help. Your help is VERY easy to give!

Please go to the Hollywood Music Examiner link below, read some articles that interest you, and — most important of all — SUBSCRIBE. It’s a little button right next to my name near the center/top of the page. Doing that and occasionally checking back in to read an article or two will be immensely helpful to us.

If you’ve got friends or family or coworkers who dig music (who doesn’t?), send them this link and tell them to subscribe, too. Tell them to send it to their friends. Every subscribed person means big-time resources for us and the show, and will allow us to keep expanding our reviews and so on.

So please subscribe, read some articles, and tell others about us. If I haven’t talked to you in a while, drop me a line at some point and let me know how things are going! If I have talked to you recently, you should still drop me a line 😉

Thanks!

http://www.examiner.com/x-34082-Hollywood-Music-Examiner

Tim Bannock

Visit Laurie Landry’s Website!

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Regarding Depression

Life is a rollercoaster ride. Enjoy the twists, turns, drops, and elevations. No matter how bleak it can feel at times, there is ALWAYS someone who cares. If ever you feel despair or pain, remember this – pain is important. It reminds you that you are alive.

Send a random email to a friend or family member just letting them know you love and care about them. You’d be surprised how much a one line “I love you” can brighten someone’s day.

Unnecessary Anxiety…

… a post in which our heroine lets the readers in a little bit.

Okay, so here’s the deal. I’ve lost a bunch of weight and have gotten a few key pieces of clothing to prevent “wardrobe malfunctions” (seriously, I almost pantsed myself at the gym).

Why is it so difficult for me to reach into my closet and pull out my old clothing? Does a part of me, deep inside, believe that I will fail at this and I’ll revert back to the way I was? Am I just lazy? Do I think that an empty closet will propel me on a spending spree?

It’s hard to let go of the clothing of the past, especially when it was such a comfort to me. Baggy shirts to hide the form I hated were my creature comfort. I’m sure that once I reach in to pull them out, I’m going to keep the majority of them. I know that there is a book out there giving different options for alterations.

Truth be told, I’m a bonafide packrat. I don’t know why. I guess there is something that tells me that I need to keep the things that I bought all those years ago because someone might mention that they need one and I come to the rescue.

Ugh. Why is this so hard? I keep telling myself “Awww… I’ll just do it tomorrow.” After a dozen tomorrows, everything still hangs in my closet, taunting me.

Running Up That Hill

Me: My friend Jackie and I were model employees for this call center gig we worked at.

We’d call out all the time and have adventures. We called out one day and decided to take a walk on the Farmington Reservoir Trail. We figured if we were feeling ultimately lazy about work, we should do something active.

So it’s March and we’re walking through the trail and see an area that still had a little bit of snow on it. Being the curious cats that we are, we went down the trail and found that we were in an unexplored trail. We’re chatting when Jackie’s face pales (which is crazy because she’s a pasty Irish lass) and she points over my right shoulder.

I glance over and see a black bear drinking in a creek about 20 yards from where we were.

“What do we do?” I asked. “Keep going? Turn around?”
“I’d say we run,” Jackie replied.
“Run?!?!?!” I exclaimed in a muted voice. “You don’t run from a bear. You cannot outrun a bear.”
“I don’t need to outrun a bear,” she replied. “I just need to outrun you.”

Vita: ROFLMAO!!!!!! Did the bear see you at all??

Me: I don’t think it did… But picture this…

Two completely unathletic girls running towards a hill. The hill was almost a right angle and had about three feet of snow at the base that hadn’t melted yet.

We made it up the hill, legs covered in snow, and spent about fifteen minutes sharing an inhaler and laughing hysterically.

Did I miss anything?

Jackie: hahahahahahahaha… Nope that’s it… Except, the bear didn’t care one teeny bit about us.

Drunk BB Messaging

Ali: I love uit soi nmucj
Ali: I tjiink trjios is how mlel gihbaon felr
Ali: No
Chelsea: Lol that’s awesome
Chelsea: What’s sad is I know exactly what you’re typing
Chelsea: LOL
Ali: I think this is how Mel Gibson felt
Ali: Crao hasd I knowd what youid know I’d jus saikd fkuc it
Ali: Tiny buttons
Ali: Drnk fgners
Chelsea: Yay for drunk texting!
Ali: Ha