Why Bro and I Can’t Have Nice Things


Wednesday July 1, 2015

( I promise I will get a recap of the other days up, but this was crazy bizarre and I had to record it all first so I didn’t forget it)

It was Brian’s last day visiting me and due to it being so hot I had put off downtown because that just felt like an invitation for passing out. So I figured we would hit Pittock, the Rose Test Garden, park at Cascade and then MAX to downtown, AKA the BEST plan ever. Or so I thought (Spoiler alert? It wasn’t)…


Pittock Mansion – I know it seems trite, but when I moved out here my mom and I went to Pittock Mansion and I stood under the Weeping Willow and started crying because I was so happy I was finally home. So whenever someone visits, or whenever I have a choice of somewhere I want to visit, I always mention the Pittock Mansion. I took Brian there and we walked around for a little bit. I happened to have two quarters that I gave to a little girl that was visiting from California to put in the binoculars and of course they got stuck and didn’t work. It was a short visit, but a good one nonetheless.

The Rose Test Garden – Brian and I spent a surprisingly decent amount of time here, considering it was 86 degrees out and we were already covered in a coating of sweat. We ambled through the rows of fragrant and vividly colored hybrids before finally giving in to the desire to be back in an air conditioned car.

Cascade Station – I completely overshot the airport because I wasn’t paying attention and we ended up in Vancouver for a little bit. We waved to everyone I know in Washington. You’re welcome. Then we got to Cascade Station and parked in a nearby area. Getting unto the MAX wasn’t difficult at all and we enjoyed each other’s company before getting off at 10th.

Powells – Obviously, this is something you have to take a friend to. Especially if they enjoy reading and mentioned they needed something to feed their eyes on the plane ride. We spent a little bit of time in there before walking around aimlessly. Originally, we planned on stopping for Indian, Lebanese, or Asian food, but we ended up somewhere else.

Mi Mero Mole – I originally found this place with Kat when Jon was touring with TMBG in May. We liked it so much, we went BACK to it the same evening to have a full meal. Brian and I ordered food. He underestimated the amount of food that would be in the burrito. I was almost proud that he was able to finish it and the taco he ordered.

Waterfront – We headed over to the Waterfront and I mentioned that I was potentially interested in visiting the Whiskey Bar near Skidmore Fountain. While we rested on the grass, I tried to find out when they open. I even went as far as calling the line Google had listed and had a fantastic conversation with a fax machine, that is, until it called my mother a whore. Then we became enemies. Nobody talks bad about my Mamalyn. Not even my Mamalyn. So I looked up where the Multnomah Whiskey Library was located and we hopped on the MAX. As soon as it left the stop, Brian realized that his books fell out of his pocket. So we got off at the next stop, walked over, and the books miraculously were still there.

On our second attempt, there were these adorable little girls talking to one of the Sheriffs on the train. He had given them all stickers and they were asking him questions and he was patient and kind. I could see the faces of the adults around him and they all had genuine smiles on their faces.

Multnomah Whiskey Library – We entered and were immediately told it would be 10 minutes before we would be seated, so since we were cutting it close I requested a menu. After seeing a glass of Whistlepig priced at $55, we both decided to try elsewhere.

Rock Bottom Brewery – Because it’s so close to the MAX, it was ideal for us to finish off the trip with a bourbon and a scotch. I asked for a 10oz cider afterwards and the bartender said that the 8oz beer backs were free with our orders, so that was awesome. We finished up and headed to the Eastbound side of things.

Yamhill/3rd MAX Station – While it’s not in the most promising looking areas, I’ve never really had a problem with this stop. However, when TWO Blue line trains come through and no reds come through (and Google Maps keeps telling you another one will be there in minutes), I started to get worried. I figured it would just be easier to grab whatever was next. So we hopped on the next MAX (another blue line) and they announced that they would be stopping due to issues with Gateway. As Gateway was the last Red/Blue stop before the split, I got a little nervous.

The train would reach a stop and stay there for 10 minutes. After looking at the map, I determined that it would take 120 minutes at that rate and Brian needed to be at the airport in 30 minutes. So I sucked in a deep breath and ordered a Radio Cab to meet us at the Convention Center. It was at this point that Brian realized that his wallet had fallen out of his pants. His stupid, treacherous pants. He said he had his passport in his suitcase, so I sighed and told him he wouldn’t make his flight if we went back. We got into the cab and $40 later got to my car.

I stopped quickly to grab some cash for him to have for checking his bag and getting something to eat if needed before dropping him off. Originally, I was planning to wait until he got through TSA before leaving, but I figured I would try looking for the wallet. I called Rock Bottom and they scoured their bar area for us as I drove into the city.

Yamhill/3rd MAX Station – Dag, that stop is well-lit. I did a walk around and even circled the block to see if someone grabbed the cash and threw the wallet (yes, I even went in the garbage, so obviously I have hepatitis now). Sadly nothing was there. So I headed home and made sure Brian successfully cancelled his credit cards before getting on the plane.


There was, however, a happy ending. The following morning I received a text from a woman named Julie who had found his wallet and found him on Facebook. We arranged a time to pick up the wallet and when I met up with her, I offered to pay for their admission to the Japanese Garden.  Her brother Brian also met me there. He originally spotted the wallet at the MAX station. She declined with a smile and said to use the money to send his wallet Express back to the east coast. She only asked that I pay it forward.


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