What bothers you? 10 Things that grate my cheese

1. People that talk on cellphones when they are being waited on (or rung out) –
Yesterday I stood for about ten minutes in a busy grocery store only looking to buy salad dressing and sliced turkey breast. Why? As a woman shouted in her phone at a cable company, her inept husband fumbled to scan in four items. FOUR. Then after all of that was done, he told her it was $53. She then put her hand over the receiver and said “Well I only have $42.” They had a conversation back and forth and as I looked at the other registers to my left and right I saw everyone traveling quickly through the line. Then her inept husband took a bill from the pile they had amassed, smoothed it out, and leaned forward to see what way the display showed him the bill had to go in (though below it says “face up”, it doesn’t say which way it needed to be slid in) and he fingered the edges to make sure that the corners were super straight before placing the bill down with one hand while using his other hand to force it in like it was a game of shuffleboard.

2. People that talk loudly on their cellphones –
One of my neighbors has taken to going outside and standing on the walkway directly in front of my window and shout into his phone. HE LIVES ALONE. So instead of muffling the sound by making the call upstairs in his condo, he decides to shout it at me. Most of the time I don’t really care about it, unless it’s 9am on a Saturday and I have just managed to pass out for a small block of time. I make it a habit not to start making noise until about 4pm as I know he works the night shift. Instead, I either leave for the day or I watch TV until I hear the creaking above. Then it’s ukulele happy fun time.

3. Networks spreading out their programming so they can bloat your DVR with crap you’ve already seen –
I know that every network is “struggling” (HA!) to sell ads for their shows because everyone has a DVR, Tivo, or digital cable nowadays (or no cable). But when they push back their programming by 1-2 weeks, guess who has two middle fingers and forgets to watch it? THIS GIRL. By the time I finally remember to watch a program that I lost touch with, the main character is pregnant and they are trapped on an Island and forced to play game shows against polar bears.

4. Vegetable farts –
Self explanatory. They’re super stinky and you can’t be stealth in public.

5. People that tell me how to do my job –
I’ve been here six years and have been observed by corporate to determine how I am so efficient. Tell me how to do my job and I will brain you with my telephone.

6. Sloppy Drunks –
Dude… I know. Everyone gets wasted every now and again. I guess that because (for the most part) I control my inebriation I get irritated when other people don’t. During my vacation I ended up drinking while I was skyping with a few friends. When I hung up the final call, I realized that I was super drunk. I couldn’t focus. I get paranoid when I’m drunk and terrified about trying to sleep and vomiting. Also? The spins are dumb. I ended up booting until about 1 in the morning and had to sleep sitting up. I. HATE. THAT. So seeing someone that has obviously had too many wear a stupid grin on their smashed faces makes me want to smash their face in. In my past I have had someone in my car that was so hammered, they took the bottom of the pant leg of their jeans, pulled it inside-out up to the knee, and then puked in it like it was a barf bag. Luckily, I’ve never gotten puke in my car.

7. People that treat me like I’m less intelligent than I am –
Yes… I swear like a trucker. I have verbal diarrhea in social situations (and on this blog) that would make your mother weep and has made my mother hit me with a rolled up newspaper. Although my language is muddled with profanity, my vocabulary is extensive and I don’t shy from larger words.

8. Bees –
Self explanatory

9. Procedural Crime Shows – In the Lab
One of the biggest pet peeves I have is the distinct lack of realistic time span in the lab. It would be better if they had a timer ticking off in the bottom right of the screen as they worked.

10. Obnoxious interstitials in hold music –
When I am angry enough to have to call a company, trying to sell me something while I wait for ten minutes makes it worse. I then take it out on the employee and they don’t deserve it. They’re not paid enough to deal with my wrath.

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