Update on things

As I am gearing towards a visit to CT, I realized that I have been ridiculously neglectful to my bestest of the bestiebots. We used to chat all the time for Whiskey on Sunday, but that hasn’t happened in a very long time. I think we both forgot that we COULD keep talking even though our schedules weren’t lining up to talk. I have a tendency of just assuming that people don’t want to hear from me. Seeing a bunch of people making time for me when I’m visiting my hometown makes me realize that I HAVE been missed. I feel really stupid for not making efforts. General facebook updates AREN’T being a good friend.

Anyways, here’s an email thread between the two of us that made me laugh. Hopefully it makes you laugh too.

Ali: I am really happy that I get to see a bunch of people at a time. It sucks that I can’t get one on one time with anyone really for such a short trip, but hopefully it staggers enough to be okay.
Seth: Next trip, don’t tell anyone you are coming. We’ll pick you up and you can stay in our new house. Just tweet fake updates from Chicago or someplace.
Ali: I’m not complaining as it allows me to see people I miss, but I’m going to hug you hardest.
Seth: It makes sense. I’m the squishiest.
Ali: No you’re not. The baby is. Especially that soft spot on the noggin I’ve been eyeing.
Seth: No head-hugging the baby!
Ali: Already with the rules!
Seth: Always gotta have rules.
Ali: Yeah… I’m fully aware of that. Guidelines are good.
Seth: Also, no eyeball licking.
Ali: ARE THERE GOING TO BE NO SURPRISES WHEN I MEET YOUR MINI-HUMAN?!?!?

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This is why Seth and I are friends.

Ali: Here are a few pictures of me with fire 🙂
Seth: Beautiful!
Ali: Rick was like “you look so scared” and I was all “I WAS!”
Seth: You look gorgeous in the third picture.
Ali: That was the one he said I was terrified in.
Seth: Frightened women are the prettiest. Said every dangerous drifter ever.
Ali: This is why I murder hobos.
Seth: Not murder. Pre-emptive vengeance.
Ali: I have missed you terribly.
3/7/13

Fun In Cars

Yesterday my mother and I were driving and observing signs.

Me: “Big kids sale?” *Best infomercial voice* “Come to the Big Kids Sale! We’ve got any kids you want! Fat kids!”
Mom: “Tall kids!”
Me: “Old Kids!”
Mom: *laughing*
Me: “Gargantuan kids! One is scientifically considered a giant! We’ve got discounts on a bouquet of children in any shape and color! Buy in bulk and save for the holidays! We need to offload these kids immediately so we brought the discount to you! We’re slashing prices so we don’t have to slash throats!”
Mom: *wheezing*
Me: “My brain is awesome, mom. Thanks for that.”
Mom: “You’re welcome.”

Casey and I talk about the Elephant Show.

I love finding random conversations with people that are endlessly entertaining.
Casey: I love you in the morning and in the afternoon….I love you in the evening and underneath the moon. fyi.
Ali: Boop boo bee doo! http://youtu.be/9qUAsuRLXig Sharon Lois & Bram’s Elephant Show (1986 close #1)
Casey: that elephant is so high.
Ali: Canadians.
Casey: is that typical of the canadian elephant?
Casey: also, was that dude like, doing both of them?
Ali: I really want to interview Sharon, Lois and Bram.
Casey: Let’s find them
Ali: That was quick. Do they live in your basement?
Casey: ‎…
Ali: DON’T TELL ME! I want to say that I knew nothing when they find them elephant bones!
Casey: you’re in too deep. no turning back now. I bet you can hear their screams in your sleep. I know I can.
Ali: I have to actually sleep to hear them there.
Casey: that’s fair.
Ali: but when I do, yes… I do hear them screaming.

 

You should do yourself a favor and follow Casey on Twitter (and me too!)

This is why Seth should never send out mass emails.

Seth sent the picture to a group of people. “Reply All” was then turned to a brainstorm session. However, we’ve fleshed out the best show ever.

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Seth: I have decided if this were a cop show called “Sharkasaur Squad” it would be my favorite thing ever.
Ali: “He was a shark with a chip on his shoulder. HE was the last velociraptor with everything to lose. Together, this fall on G4 they are… SHARKASAUR SQUAD.”
Seth: “Dammit, Bitey, you don’t even have shoulders! You pull a stunt like that again and I’ll have your badges!”
Marissa: This is clearly a vengeance movie in which the Velociraptor is going after that dirty dino mob that took out his family, or so he thinks. What he won’t know until the end is that the Sharks are the one running everything and now his best bud has to pick what side he’s on, The Raps or the Sharks. It’s a set-up to the West Side Story musical-esque sequel
Ali: Movies are sooooooo 2010. TV series or no deal!
Seth: Bitey Finnegan and Rend Tearasaur are the streets last hope.
Ali: You’d think that they wouldn’t listen to Chief Egrit. I mean, he’s not even a bird of prey and he has such a wobbly, long neck, but they are TERRIFIED about losing their badges!
Seth: You wouldn’t know it now, but back before he was chief, Snowy was the toughest cop in town.

Kittenbritch Otterbatch!

Ali: I think if someone arranged for me to have a night with Benedict Cumberbatch, it would probably be an evening of us awkwardly staring at each other.
I would still like that to happen.
Marissa: I have that night every night when I put the Sherlock DVD or Last Enemy (he’s pretty hot in that too) on and just pause the screen
Seth: Well, we already had your going away/birthday party so it’s a little late to tell us now. Jackie had suggested the Cumberbatch escort service but it got voted down.
Ali: WHY WOULD ANY OF YOU HAVE VOTED THAT DOWN?!??!
Marissa: I didn’t even bother voting. As in most elections, I just assumed that everyone would vote in the most logical manner and that my voice wasn’t necessary. I failed you the same way I’ve failed my municipal government countless times
Seth: He did a lot of weird scratching during the interview.
Marissa: That’s just because he’s allergic to cats…
Seth: If he knew he was allergic, why did he show up with 14 kittens in his trousers?
Marissa: Not all of his trousers were kittens…duh
Ali: I’m pretty sure that your kitten-trouser logic is flawed, Marissa. You only need them in the pair you’re in to get itchy.
Ali: Are you sure it was him and not an otter? Some people can’t tell the difference.
Seth: We asked for ID.
Marissa: If I ever own a show otter I’m going to name him, “The Right Honourable Detective B. Cumberbatch III”
Ali: I think that would look lovely on the birthday party invites to the pond.

Polish Immortality and Some Exciting News!

Seth: I’ll need to stop at the liquor store tonight.
Ali: AH.
Seth: That’s the Irish part of Irish Wake.
Ali: I know how an Irish Wake works.
Seth: I didn’t want to assume. I have no idea how a Polish Wake works.
Ali: Polish people don’t die.
Seth: That’s why they can eat all those pierogis and kielbasa.
Ali: I’m actually 800 years old.
Seth: Yet you still haven’t seen the Godfather.
Ali: I’ve got all the time in the world.

Ali: AHHHHHH!!!! I’M GOING TO LAPODFEST! (JUST SECURED LODGING AND MY WEEKEND PASS!)
DANCE PARTY, MUTHA FUKKAS!
Seth: That and Polish immortality? Jealous.

Okay, So I guess now is as good a time as any to announce that I’m making my way to Santa Monica for the Los Angeles Podcast Festival in October!

All of my Cali friends… I haven’t secured transportation during the weekend, so if you want to see me, you should stop by to say hey! I cannot guarantee you lodging (as I’m bunking with some lovelies already), but you should consider attending the festival itself!

Check out all of the info at lapodfest.com!

Imma go dance out this excitement!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

A Bit of Funny, An Explanation, and a Taste of What’s To Come

A friend and I were talking and I mentioned my friend Dillon making me laugh. Dillon is a friend that I met on the internet and haven’t met in person yet. Probably because if we did, I might rub his moustache like those assholes that rub people’s buzzcuts.

Anyways… What resulted was an incredibly fun discussion that I am sharing with you now.

… No wait… Now!
… … now?
… … … Here ya go. #BlogTease

Ali: HAHAHA! I totally heart Dillon. Hopefully I get to meet him before I leave the East coast (He lives in Lowell, MA)

Elfie: [MIA Friend] met a MAN from the INTERNET once. then she got all stinky and now she’s in a well. DO YOU WANT TO BE IN A WELL?!

Ali: I’ve met several men from the internet. I haven’t had the sexy times with any of them, but I would with some of the ones I’ve met.

Elfie: well that’s fine, but if you cut off contact with me, I am not looking in any wells for you. (but I will totally look for you in wells if you tell me you need me to.)

Ali: If I ever disappear I damn well expect you to burn every well to the ground and I realize that they have water in them and are brick so it will be problematic but you are smart and can probably figure out how to make water catch fire. Not with magic. We lost that after highschool, what with that wicked queen binding our powers. But you can do it with SCIENCE!

Elfie: SCIENCE! BURN ALL THE WELLS!

Elfie: wait… if you’re IN the well and I burn it….

Ali: I have realized my error, but there is no turning back now. I just hope you can live with burning me to cinders. IT IS FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY!
Wait… On second thought… Water is kinda necessary, right? I really don’t want Elfie Water Vengeance to result in the world being turned into a shitty Kevin Costner movie where people have to drink pee.

Elfie: Waterworld was too much water, wasn’t it? Tank Girl was too little.
Or Dances With Wolves was an even weirder movie than I remember…

Ali: Yes, but even though TG was too little water, it had just enough Malcolm MacDowell.

Elfie: and what I was going to say is NSFW so I shan’t make any insinuations about ensuing moisture on your part.

Ali: I really do have irrational crushes on wicked older dudes. Malcolm MacDowell and John Hurt. But it’s more of a “their voices are so lovely I may fall into a healthy 7 hours of sleep” crush.

Elfie: there is nothing wrong with that. I can’t think of anyone we know who would disagree…

Ali: I think the moral of this conversational thread is that I am prone to tantrums due to lack of sleep. And Waterworld was a TERRIBLE movie.

Ali: … and we really need to hunt down that witch to get our powers back. Then there’s no way I would be trapped in a well. NOBODY puts baby in a well.

Elfie: don’t cross the plotlines!

Ali: I don’t know if plotlines work the same as proton packs.

Elfie: let’s not take any chances.

Ali: Yep. Let’s just tell everyone we’re Gods.

Elfie: YES.

 

Admittedly, I haven’t really been writing a lot on the blog. I’ve been lax in writing because there have been a lot of personal demons I’m trying to work through. It’s not something that I can completely delve into, because it’s an amalgamation of things. A “Voltron of suck” if you will.

Mid May is a really rough time for me. I lost someone that I really admired three years ago and I had forgotten about it until I realized that the date had passed. I can still remember where I was and what I was doing when I got the news. I was at a stop light and got an email. The light turned green and I took a left turn and drove to my parents house to spend time with our old cat. They were in Hawaii, so when I got to the house I called my dad. As soon as he answered I burst into tears.

I don’t do that often. I tend to compartmentalize sadness and push it away. So, of course, I terrified my father. He waited for me to be able to pull myself together and I told him that our friend had passed away and he compartmentalized for me. As I think about it now, I think that my brain knew that something of note was anniversaried this week so it instinctively forced me to retreat.

The downfall of retreating into my own head is that, even though my imagination is vast and entertaining, there are a lot of monsters. After a week of feeling like I’m playing hide and go seek and wondering why no one had found me, I realized that childhood game is only an effective means of escape when someone knows that they need to look for you.
I thought that as long as I had Twitter and Facebook, I couldn’t go too crazy. I spent the time lurking and making minimal comments to things. It was like an out of body experience where you’re not visiting yourself. Escaping from physical reality and losing myself in Netflix and cyber-reality has been a bit perilous.

Dave Anthony tweeted a few days ago “The Borg actually started as a social media site”, and it’s been mulling around my brain ever since. As a society, we have become very similar to the Borg. For those of you that don’t know what the Borg are, they are cybernetic organisms in the Star Trek universe that try to force people to connect to a hive mind.

Tonight I am going to a friend’s house to hang out. Looking back, the last time that I sat in a room with someone and hugged someone was Sunday. It hasn’t felt like I have isolated myself for five days. After all, I have friends in my phone or computer. I Skyped with a friend in the UK and we waved at each other. I have podcasts where I’m not actually involved in them, but feel like I am.

Human interaction is essential. It really is. In late July, I’m going to need to remind myself that I need to get out and do things.

As it is, my weekends for the next month are filling up with human interaction.
– I have family coming in from Georgia to spend some time with us.
– All of my friends are getting together to hang out.
– I’m going to see some of my summer family.
– I’m going to spend a week road tripping across the country with my mom.

The future is looking incredibly bright. I can see it through the darkness, like a thousand stars sparkling on a summer evening.

Time to stop being selfish and start being awesome. Many thanks to everyone that have made me laugh the last few days. I’ve really needed it.

When We Were Younger and Ill-Informed…

Sometimes you just need some silly to brighten your day. Worked for me. Hope it helps you too!

When We Were Younger and Ill-Informed…

ALI: … I heard that there were going to be bears at a Pride Parade, and shouted “WHAT ZOO HATES GAY PEOPLE?!?!?!!”

SETH: When my mom told me when you paid with a personal check you had to have money behind it, I thought she put cash in the envelope literally behind the check.

MARISSA: I told my friend that we could buy something if we split the money and then proceeded to actually split the bill. I was like 5

ALI: … Whenever someone said “You’re preaching to the choir” I thought they were going to sing to me.

MARISSA: I changed the lyrics to Chumbawumba’s “TubThumping” to “kissing the night away” when I was in the car with my parents. I thought “pissing” would be too offensive…

SETH: I thought a line in a Rod Stewart song that actually went “I’d be so happy I could cry” was “I’d be a happy yucky quacker”. I imagined a smiling duck that lived in the garbage dump.

ALI: I seriously thought “Are we we are the waiting unknown?” by GreenDay was “Are we we are the Wayward Gnomes”.

SETH: The Wayward Gnomes have to be in one of our novels!

MARISSA: Isn’t that your Kansas cover band, Seth?

SETH: Hairy Jon, the Wayward Gnome
We’ll have peas when you get home

MARISSA: This is the theme song to the upcoming film, The Hobbit, right?