Chicopee/Boston: Friday/Saturday – I read you my blog post while drunk – This was not a well thought out entry.

I’m several sheets right now and I’m too exhausted to edit this. AAAAAND I also recorded this blog post reading (like the other one I did that one time). So if you’re super lazy or just want to hear me fumble with words have a listen. The recording is at the bottom of the entry.

Friday Night I went to see Chris Hardwick and Mike Phirman at the HuKeLau in Chicopee, Massachusetts. It was spectacular. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Eating sushi and watching comedy actually works well for me, though I’m sure the flaming PuPuPlatters near the front of the stage were mildly alarming to anyone on stage. I’m guessing a comedian at the HuKeLau is thinking “don’t make fun of someone at that table” until the last one burns out. Both Mike and Chris had amazing sets and were nice enough to meet up with people after the show.

I ended up leaving shortly after saying hello and decided to stay at my parents house. With my parents gone and me being the opportunist I am, I jumped like crazy on their kingsize bed and collapsed into sleep.

Apparently, they know how to thwart the fun of their adult child. Both of my parents are partially deaf and they sleep on their good ears so they aren’t woken by the others snoring (and yes, y’all DO snore). What they didn’t know is that their alarm is set to go off at THREE IN THE MORNING. Being an insomniac that was excited about the events I would be participating in… I was up. I couldn’t help it.

8AM – Driving to Boston
This was one of the easiest drives I have ever made to Boston. For true. Apparently at that time in the morning on the weekend the roads are not congested at all. So I plugged my phone into my USB jack in my car and sang at the top of my lungs to They Might Be Giants the whole ride there. It made me feel a little bit better even though I was already exhausted. I left the Mass Pike to hit the Trader Joes in Framingham and bought myself some breakfast. The journey continued with heading into the Fenway area.

I believe that my first exclamation out of my mouth was “Fuck my face. Opening Day was yesterday.” I then drove past places offering parking for $35 but you had to be out of the parking lot within an hour of the game’s completion.

I ended up parking at Beth Israel Temple Rd Garage and walked the half mile to Fenway.

11:00am – Met Up With the Nerds at Jillian’s. Had drinkies.
I got to Jillian’s and went to the third floor to meet everyone at the bowling alley. Turns out they were gathering on the second floor. Christopher hadn’t arrived yet, but Adam was there and watched me do a lap in a TMNT backpack before waving me over and chatting. I got a drink and it was placed in front of me when Ryan and Chris arrived. I cannot remember everyone that joined in on drinks at Jillian’s, but there were a many of us.

We chatted for a little bit and it was amazing to sit back and quietly observe how everyone was talking animatedly and joking around. Within fifteen minutes we had formed a Gelatinous Cube collective. Throughout the day more and more people would get eaten into our enthusiasm. Wow, I’m losing myself in that metaphor. I should really sleep before posting this, but I’m not going to.

1:00pm – Boston Commons Falafel Picnic Dance Party
Once we met up with those that had arranged to connect at Jillian’s, we hopped on a T and headed into Boston Commons. A group of awesome was waiting for us and we grabbed lunch and enjoyed a picnic on a sunny Saturday in the Commons. As I took a few pictures I couldn’t help but laugh. My first thought was “This looks like a stock photo on a campus guide.” I ate my first falafel. Pretty damn good.

During our meal there were marchers for something and they were playing a drum so I danced around like an idiot (as I often do).

2:30pm – Museum of Science
After everyone nommed down their food, we went to the T to head towards the Museum of Science. We then lost six of the group as we hopped on a train then hopped off when we realized it was the wrong one. We caught up to them a few stops later and we were one again.

Matt got tickets for all of us for the Museum of Science and there were a couple people that met up with us there. We walked around for awhile, bought astronaut icecream, and marveled at how Christopher was able to fit in a kid’s small t-shirt and pull it off (I mean the style. I think he actually was cut out of it.)

4:00pm – Omni Movie – Tornado Alley
We went into the Omni Theater to watch a documentary about Tornado chasers (narrated by Bill Paxton). It was a cool idea but I’m not going to lie. My eyes were closed for a lot of it. I don’t do so well with aerial shots and there was just so much to take in and you had to adjust to see some things. It’s cool though. I thought I’d fall asleep, but I didn’t.

5:00pm – Anna’s Taqueria
After the movie, we trekked over to Anna’s Taqueria on Cambridge St where Chris Hardwick met up for burrito fun times. He was gracious enough to chill for a little while and share a video that was sent to him (that was super awesome) and he took pictures. He headed out to get back to the theatre for the show and we finished our burritos and some of the group dressed in costume for the show.

7:00pm – The Wilbur Theatre
The show was a torrid love affair of funny and after it concluded, we got in line to wait to say hi to Chris and Mike. After about fifteen minutes without the line moving at all… We decided against it. There was much drinking to be done. (WHAT?!?! She’s not talking about the show? … Maybe I’ll write up a proper post all about it.)

Numbers Become Irrelevant – Jacob Wirth
Table for twelve at Jacob Wirth, a German bar with a crazy amount of alcohol. Some people ordered food, some people drank out of penis straws. All in all, it was a rousing good time.

During our time there I looked at my phone and realized that I needed to get going so I asked how to get to the T and back to Fenway so I could grab my car. Leah scoffed and told me that I was staying at her house. You know? Traveling by yourself is pretty awesome. I didn’t want the day to end and getting another day with such a fantastic group of people was just a yes away. So I said yes!

Numbers Become Irrelevant – TC’s
We ended up traveling over to this bar in the Emerson area because they had a porn claw machine. The fact that we went there solely for the game still makes me smile.

Numbers Become Irrelevant – Jillian’s
We finished the evening together at Jillian’s where we met up with a bunch of other peoples and we drank until they told us we couldn’t anymore. I rushed to use the bathroom and some nozzle decided to take the last quarter of my scotch. Note to self – When they say last call and you have to pee, if you can squat and drink at the same time, make those moments count.

Then we split up with the promise of brunch the following day. Nancy and I crashed at Leah’s (which was super crazy nice of her and I totally appreciate it)

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Unsolicited Replies to Inappropriate/Unnecessary Questions/Comments on the Internets

I will be answering these messages that actually exist as if I were a famous actor and the tweets were actually sent to me (because it’s funnier that way and the main purpose of this is to crack me up… that and I’m really famous in my brain). Just call me Notorious A-L-I.

[That being said, I’d love to be famous… Hook a sistah up!]

**Full details of the @alisonbaziak dream here** [followed by link: in said link it mentions how the tweeter “made out with” the dream version of me]
A part of me wonders what the poster expected from tagging me in their post. Because I am incredibly curious, I think “Fuck yeah I wanna know what dream me did! That bitch is CRAZY fun!” I get it, we all have weird dreams. Sometimes famous people show up in them. I didn’t even post the one with the coked out singer trying to get crack in exchange for doing dental work on me.
When the end of the dream is me making out with the dreamer, I wonder if they think that one random day their doorbell is going to ring and I’m going to be standing out there with a red rose to pull them into a passionate embrace. From a fan stand point that would be pretty cool, but that’s less likely than being struck by lightning (Odds for that are 1/750,000. Yep. Looked it up.) I wonder what the odds are for being tazered by your favorite celebrity… It has to be better odds than that.

**Here’s a link to a video I made of my favorite clips of @alisonbaziak** [the video is every partially nude/make out scene ALI has ever done]
Awesome… You have taken every scene out of context and put them all together. You have taken ten years of my life and truncated it into five minutes of me without clothing. The only thing that could make it worse would be to add a completely inappropriate song to it… Oh wait, I forgot it was on mute… Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up?!  Really?? REALLY??
Okay, I should have started this entire blog entry by saying that it’s flattering that you would take the time to appreciate my work. It’s gratifying to know that my work means something to you. But if the only thing you like about my work is a lack of clothing… Well that’s still awesome but please don’t tag me in your post. As I’ve mentioned before… I’m a curious person.

**Can we get arrested for mentioning @alisonbaziak too much?**
Unfortunately, no. HA! I’m kidding. Mention me all you want. In this business, the fan base is what keeps you employed. I love my fans. Some of you can take it a little too far, but that’s what restraining orders are for (Plus, with one of those it may have my autograph! Squee!)

[Stepping out of character for a moment… THIS IS INCREDIBLY FUN! I like pretending I’m famous. It’s like playing dress up as a kid. Okay, back I go!]

**I’ve been waiting since age 9 to be on a school bus w/@alisonbaziak that gets in an accident so I could come to her rescue**
Setting aside the fact that this is incredibly morbid… Thank you for being clever. Creepy, but still clever. My first reaction was to laugh. My second was to make sure you weren’t a bus driver. If for some reason you’ve never gotten your license, please be sure to keep it that way.

**@alisonbaziak You’re hot. Follow me please?**
An Answer in <140 Characters?: No
A More Verbose Reply: Once again, thank you for being a fan. As much as it IS gratifying to hear that you find me attractive, please understand that on Twitter, those words are under every picture I post. A surplus of times. I will NEVER reply to any of those comments because although it’s humbling to hear it, thanking you for it would make me seem narcissistic. It’s also not very original. *shrug* Sorry, I’m just being honest. Plus, if I start following you, the inappropriate direct messages start and I have to feel like a jerk for unfollowing you and then blocking you from my account.

**@alisonbaziak Did you like doing your last project? Was there ever one you did that you didn’t like?**
What cracks me up more than this question is to see that this is in reply to a post I made about an interview WHERE I ANSWERED THIS QUESTION!! Yes, I enjoyed the last project I did. I’ve done a few rotters, but I’ll never tell you which one(s) I think was (were). That’s called “biting the hand that feeds you”.

**@alisonbaziak What are your thoughts on drugs?**
… [Even in pretend mode I cannot think of an answer here that isn’t “Why the fuck would I tell you that?”]

**I think Alison Baziak should change her name. Was there ever a more disturbing name for an actor?**
Well first, fuck you. Your name isn’t spectacularly awesome either. Second, it’s unique. I know that my link is going to be the first one to come up on a search engine when someone types it in the search bar. And third, I like disturbing. Next!

**@alisonbaziak Wanna see me naked?** [no joke. I found this one.]
Yes. Not because I think you and I have the start to a budding relationship. Mainly because I’m perverse and I can always use a good laugh. Unless you’re hot, then that’s another story. But rule of thumb – If you don’t like looking at yourself naked, chances are I won’t either.

Want more replies? Feel free to leave some random questions! I would love to reprise this role!

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NEWS of Newsyness! (Newsiness?! I don’t know. Somewhere my iPhone is puking.)

Okay, so recently I entered to win a ticket to the Wilbur Theatre from THIS GUY! (as read on a Nerdist podcast)

I listened to the podcast, saw the video and thought “good lord I make too many friends on the other side of the US. I should move.”

So in a fit of work boredom I decided to enter. Here was my entry.

“Hello Chris,

1. Unfortunately, I don’t know much about Boston. Whenever I go there I have someone from the area that takes me places while I’m drunk. I think it’s a town secret and in order to bring someone somewhere they need to be completely inebriated.

I do, however, have a car and live close. Have car. Will travel.

2. I’m about a 2 hour drive away in CT. When I found out about the Wilbur Theatre performance I posted a bunch of comments on both facebook and my twitter feed (@Cranialspasm). Seeing as none of my friends wanted to go there, I have been sad ever since.

I had a friend that wanted to go, but found out that Chris would be in Chicopee the evening before and that is closer to us. We’re going. Then I find out Phirman is going to be at the Wilbur. I need new friends.

And as you did for Chris, here is more info than you may want to know about me. If I have any inner monologue as I’m typing this, it’s going to be included.
Name: Alison Baziak
Age: 28 (no wait… 27? I was born June ’83. 27. Right.)
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Heteroflexible (Brown chicken brown cow! Sidenote: The BCBC joke was initially told to me by a six year old)
Sexual Ability: Decent! (High five!)
Religion: I guess that I approach the internet with crazed devotion, but if I were to give it a title.. (fuck)… Okay apparently I fail at that. If we’re talking about an innate belief of something, “don’t be a dick” is the closest I’ll be able to give you right now.
Political Leaning: If there is a fuckyeahsarahpalin account on tumblr, a thousand hipster heads will explode.
Special Skills:
– Sarcasm
– crazy life stories (accidentally stabbed myself, ran from a bear)
– the ability to transcribe the funny shit said around me (and by me – it’s actually posted on cranialspasm.com/category/quotes-from-pals – if we hang out, you’d most likely make my April list if you make me laugh)
– writing (especially drunken rants)
– getting my mom to say funny shit on camera (youtube.com/cranialspasm)
– taking pictures. I’m pretty awesome with that
– not crying while getting tattooed (even the Bride of Frankenstein bust I had done on my right leg)
– being able to tell you if you are looking at a lesbian, or looking at Justin Bieber
Future Aspirations:
I’m going to write a book. Or finish one of the seven that I’ve started.
I’m going to sing on a Broadway stage (I don’t care if there is an audience)
I’m going to do karaoke with Chris Hardwick.
Turn Ons: Pretty much everything
Turn Offs: Pretty much everything (I’m a girl and can probably break someone’s jaw if I needed to, so I hold the keys to my vagina. Nope… Honda… Those are Honda keys. And that’s a hybrid, not a vagina.

If I don’t win the contest, I might buy a ticket anyways. So even if I don’t win, we might be able to meet and high five emphatically somewhere (maybe even in front of Hardwick).

Also, I should be working right now. That’s gotta count for something.”

I know, I’m amazing right? He’d have to pick me!

So, a few days ago he posts the results in video format. I would embed/link to it, but YouTube TwatSwatted me away.

Anyways, I didn’t watch the whole thing right away. I got angry, then I got sad, then I played some ukulele, got sad again… Well… You can just see my reaction.

So it turns out, I will be seeing Hardwick at the HuKeLau on 4/8 then shipping up to Boston for a noodle story filled day 4/9. a weekend of Hardwick.

The funniest thing is that I’m sure he’ll be like “that girl wore all of her Nerdy clothing just that weekend” and I’ll be all “shut up someone elses brain, that’s the only clothing I own” and his brain will be all “you only own two outfits?” and I’ll be all “no, I just don’t own anything that doesn’t have nerdy stuff on it and YOU KNOW WHAT? For having a site called Nerdist, you sure are being judgemental about my TMNT backpack”.

Man… I’m so mad right now. Damn you fictional account of Chris Hardwick’s judgemental brain.

Oh yeah. Also? Christopher Coleman likes scotch and that grants a +5 Charisma modifier against Ali.

Well Hello. I’m a Nerd. I Also Have Lady Parts.

I think it’s perfectly odd that people (mainly guys) have tested my nerdocity.

As an example, I was at a karaoke night awhile back with a bunch of my friends because two buddies popped in from Cali. I was outside trying to shake out the terror that was the super drunk guy trying to sing Blondie, when a dude outside spotted my backpack.

I like odd things. Yes, I have a backpack that is a turtle shell. It is a teenage mutant ninja turtle brand turtle backpack. Nevermind the level of awesome that it is, it is quite amazing (even though for some weird reason it smells like fish… still). It was a gift from one of my besties. She got it for me when we were rocking out Newbury Comics in Boston. Then I decided to do a cross country photo set with my turtle twin in San Francisco.

Turtle Times is Hard

Turtle Twin

Anyways, I’m outside of the pub and this guy said, and I quote “You don’t know nothing ’bout Ninja Turtles.”

My reply was singing the ENTIRE themesong, including the words that SOME PEOPLE glaze over. In the middle of my rousing rendition of the theme, he held up his hands in defeat which I ignored and completed the song.

It struck me as weird. I see all of these amazing blogs on the internet from girls that are just as (if not more) nerdy than I am. You have Action Flick Chick (who has a total lady boner for Stallone), Geek Girl Diva, Has Boobs Reads Comics, and a site for an upcoming con (that I would totally go to if I could afford but I expended my travel budget arranging to visit with some friends this year) called Geek Girl Con. Also, I have met thousands of women on the internet that have like interests and also have been blessed to have been able to contribute to a site like Nerds in Babeland.

With groups of people like Team Unicorn, with their phenominal videos, you would think that the surprise that comes when someone sees you wearing something remotely nerdy would have diminished by now.

Instead the general mindset is that “oh she’s just trying to get our attention”. Not really guys. Most of the time when I leave the house in my green lantern hoodie, I’m not looking for anyone to gape at me. As a nerd, even when I’m dressed to the nines I don’t want that either. 

I guess that because of the wide availability to order things online, people assume that everyone is just jumping on the bandwagon. I don’t even know if this is the hipster in me as I still don’t know what a hipster actually is. I might be one. I don’t know.

I guess that when some guys approach girls in nerdy clothing with a question about their favorite cut scene in Final Fantasy 7, they think they’re going to catch someone in a lie and go “AHA! I knew you had never played!” By the way, my favorite? Sephiroth in the flames. The music chosen was gorgeous and the flowing white hair made me want to get a humongous sword and bangs and a penis (Wait… What?).

I am what I like to call an “ecclectic nerd”. I am not a superfan of anything except comedy, but I enjoy many things and have a relatively good memory.

I cannot tell you in which comic where Jean Grey transitioned into Pheonix, but I remember reading it at some point. I cannot name all of the actors in Star Wars (the real ones, ya’ll), but I can probably sing the song in the Cantina. I can’t remember the time lineup for Saturday morning cartoons, except that I know the shows and the “After these messages… we’ll be right back” jingle.

I can tell you that out of everything in my childhood, I still tear up when I watch the Transformer movie EVEN though I know I should think it’s horrible. I thought Pythona should have kicked Jinx’s ass in the G.I. Joe movie. Oh, and adding Jinx into the movie just so it wasn’t dick heavy was lame.

I did things that could be considered “girly”, but that wasn’t the memories of my childhood that stick out the most. The kids in my neighborhood did a huge suburb hide and seek game that we called “Predator”.

A while back, I asked twitter followers and people on facebook what the general public considered “girly”. Here’s a few things that I got.
“little dogs, cupcakes, flowers, pink, chocolates, hearts, princesses, glitter, kittens, ruffles, bows, rainbows, polkadots, barbie, dolls, makeup, dresses, shopping, tutus, tiaras, flowers, perfume, diamonds, stuffed animals, fairies, jewelry and jellies.”

One of my followers, @LizTheCanadian said “ordering a salad”. I almost pissed my pants. I think I needed that bit of humor to break me from the bunch of stuff that doesn’t really apply to me.

Here’s what I remember from my childhood: Dragons, Jem, nighttime games, G.I. Joe, Thundercats, Transformers, Tron, Pong, Super NES, Atari, Donkey Kong, lava lamps, swimming, skiing, singing, camp, making fires, failing at putting them out, going to juvie for unintentional arson (just kidding), burning stuff with a magnefying glass, Alvin and the Chipmunks… I could go on.

Yes there were things that I did that were uber girly, but I was still very influenced with comics, video games, and for some reason I loved pens. Just black, blue and red ones. Completely mental.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, before you assume that I don’t know anything about nerdy stuff you should walk a mile in my shoes. I know nerdy things and I also wear heels. I win.

Happiness

@thebloggess carries much love… along with a trashbag of human remains

Since I have been all sorts of absent on my blog, I figured I would introduce you to some blogs that I totally adore. First up! THE BLOGGESS!

To tell you a little bit about Jenny… Uh… I’ll let her do it herself from her website bio.

About Jenny: Jenny is a columnist and blogger. Her personal blog (www.thebloggess.com) is extremely popular, averaging close to half a million page views a month. She’s been a regular contributor to the online Houston Chronicle since 2006 and also writes a popular advice column, a parenting blog and a satirical sex column. She was recognized by the Nielsen ratings as one of the Top 50 Most Powerful Mom Bloggers, who named her part of the Power Pack. She’s been featured on Gawker, Salon.com, Mashable, Babble, The London Times, The Washington Post, and a Houston Press cover story recently called her “a local – if not national – treasure”. MSNBC calls her an “internet rockstar” and Forbes listed thebloggess.com as one of their Top 100 Websites for Women. She was Marie Claire magazine’s inaugural “Blog Crush of the Week”, a finalist in the 2010 Weblog awards for Best Writing and Most Humorous Writer, has won Social Luxe’s “Most Provocative Blog” and “Most Humorous Blog” award. She was recently named The Huffington Posts’s Greatest Person of the Day and has fooled many people into thinking she’s very important. She is a sought-after speaker, and has around 80,000 twitter followers, including Ellen DeGeneres, the Today Show, Barack Obama and many more. She’s contributed to a number of books and magazines and has an upcoming book that will be published through Amy Einhorn’s imprint. Jenny has an extremely diverse audience. According to Alexa analytics, she is especially popular with moms between the age of 25-45 who are college graduates and who are accessing the blog from home.

With posts like I’m looking for a cat named “Bob Barker”, UPDATED: Cats Eat Babies. Apparently, or And then I met Neil Gaiman, I am pretty sure we were twins separated at birth that look nothing alike and have different parents. TWINS!

She used to also get a bunch of crazy letters from a lovely woman named Nancy, that not only make me think of a homeless man on the subway ON PERCOCET with a laptop that is actually not homeless but quite wealthy, they make me think that she should have had a book deal. Sadly, Nancy passed on in October, leaving one last letter for Jenny to find last month.

Jenny seems to take everything with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila. I appreciate the stuff that she puts out into the world. Especially the stuff in her Zazzle store , especially the mommy cards that she has created. If ever I have a child, I’m getting a gross of this one

So go visit the pink, black, and white blog. DO IT!

I’d tell you that I’d cry if you didn’t, but I cannot dictate what you do with your life.

I can tell you, however, that my mother truly enjoys me reading the posts to her (Especially about Bob Barker who was then assumed to be Anderson Cooper who then grew into Ferris Mewler). She MIGHT cry if you don’t read Jenny’s blog. REAL TEARS! Granted, she might not know if she’s actually doing it but WHY are you breaking my mother’s heart? It hurts me to watch this guys. Seriously. I mean, look at this face!

For just one click a day, you can make my mother happy.

GAH! All this Baziak guilt! Steep in it! Steep!

I want tea.

Have You Met @Wilw? Neither Have I But I Want a Hug.

I should preface this entire post by telling you that I’ve been drinking. There will be many tangents. That… is because I love them.

I may lose some nerd cred here, but let me tell you something. Something deep, dark and secrety. I have never seen a full episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Somewhere, a Patrick is crying. Hateful tears tinged with the slightest hint of bourbon.

Yes, it is (apparently) sad but true. Typically the time I get to sit down and watch TNG the dulcet tones of Sir Patrick Stewart and that other guy lull me into such a state of relaxation I narcoleptically watch the episode. I think in one episode there were people living on a planet that wasn’t really a planet and they weren’t really people and I just realized how crazy either my brain is or the episode. Apparently everything was okay in the end because there was another episode.

But I digress. Honestly, I knew who Wil Wheaton was, but I couldn’t put my finger on HOW I knew him.

I have been a big fan of Leverage since its inception. During an episode where a rival gang is trying to perform a con on the same sucker that team Leverage is, I actually stood up and pointed to my screen screaming “I know that guy! I love that guy! Who IS that guy?” I knew that I had seen him before but I couldn’t place where. Even though I had my phone in my hand I was far too lazy (read: drunk) to look it up. Besides, it’s far less satisfying to have someone tell you something that you know your brain should know. I like brain teasers that make me want to stab something in my peripheral. Just kidding Wil (if you ever read this). I don’t stab anything except myself, and that resulted in a ridiculous story.

Anyways, a little while later I was treating myself to a marathon of The Big Bang Theory on my DVR (also known as “I have a whole evening to myself and no one else has the remote”) and I saw Wil’s evil twin… EVIL WIL WHEATON! As the Snidely Whiplash to Sheldon’s Dudley Do-Right, Wheaton SCHOOLED the Cooper.

I apparently scream at my television a lot. My upstairs neighbor hates me. I blame the water, not the decibel of my voice. It’s just harsh water man, now let me scream at Penny… bitch. I need to stop drinking when I write these. Or I need to continue to write drunken blogs.

Oh yeah. screaming at the TV. So I holler “that’s motherfucking CHAOS!” to which Patrick said “Uh… that’s Wesley Crusher you whore.” to which I replied “how did you get in here?”

Crap. I’m going to actually step away and continue in a few. I need a slight break.

Okay I’m back. So finally I realized that the person that I was looking at was someone I had known at some point. Wil Wheaton was in stand By Me. Actually, I don’t remember that movie. I saw that movie when I was younger, but at 28 I can tell you it was about kids going to see a dead body. I think there was a train.

I know that sometimes Wil feels like he is constantly being compared to the yound Wil that is found in tangible format in TNG and Stand By Me and Toy Soldiers.

Wil, I don’t know if this will please you… But I don’t know you that way. I could blame the alcohol or the drugs or the depression… You know what.. I WILL blame them. Stupid self involved stuff.

I know you as the snarky hacker in Leverage. I know you as the diabolical ringleader in the Guild. I know you as the Evil you that thwarts Sheldon in the most miniscule ways.

I also know the you that you blog about. The soothing voice of the Radio Free Burrito. The tabletop game enthusiast. The blogging stepdad. The “stupid mini youtube clip man”. The man who is married to his best friend.

I have found that your blog provides insight into experiences that I could barely fathom, be it the boredom that is experienced on a set when you aren’t needed and you are in an area that isn’t your home and when one of your sons does something that you find heartwarming/inspiring. I read posts that are insights into who you truly are as a person.

Thank you. Wil, it is so easy for someone to say something and actually feel something completely different. Your blog is, in a sense, a naked version of both vulnerability, excitement, and awe at the life that you lead. You are proof positive that if you embrace who you are, there is an army of those that feel the same way you do.

Recently my worlds collided with your visit to the Nerdcastle with Hardwick, Ray, and Mira. I found that the conversations that were held and the opinions explored were riveting. I LOVE hearing stories from other people’s lives.

The banter between Hardwick and yourself made me realize that I have a million stories to tell. It’s hard for me to determine what is a topic that someone wants to hear about and what is just considered normal. I think that with the discussions that you and Chris had, you were both frank, open and honest.

I didn’t experience a childhood like yours. I doubt many have. The fact that you and your parents tried to keep a sense of normalcy is remarkable.

Even more recently, the Bloggess posted an open letter to you asking for a picture of you collating papers which you happily provided. God, the internet is amazing. Within the span of thirty minutes there was a request for a picture of you collating papers and a FRIGGIN picture of you collating papers. I’m going to call it crazawesomspectaculous. There are no words, so I Figured I’d make a mashup.

Are you still reading Wil? Goodness you’re a trooper. Thank you for that.

I’m a table top RPGer and when you posted about your gaming group with friends that you don’t often get to see, my first response was “WHY NOT ME?!?!”

I’m a tabletop RPGer. I’m strongest in the WhiteWolf genre, and have played through the HERO system, but I have found that I can work my way through D&D and love every minute of it. Sadly, I am Chaotic Neutral at best… Some might consider it a personality flaw. I consider it a genetic enhancement that makes me awesome. I always cheer for the underdog or the anti-hero. If you throw someone at me that’s uber pious, I tend to want to change that person’s alignment.

I love hearing your stories of gaming with your friends. I have quotes that make me giggle too.

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I truly enjoy the you that you are right now. Nerds are everywhere and we’re the smart ones that know how to use the internet therefore… Nerd niche = internet WINS.

Please keep blogging.

Oh and for those of you that are reading that aren’t Wil Wheaton… HOW DARE YOU?!?! Just kidding.

Please check out his blog and buy his books. He’s doing now what I hope to do someday in the future.

Wil… Thanks for setting the bar so friggin high. If I get to a Con that you’re at, I want to game. And a hug.

* I don’t have links for this post because I’m lazy (read: drunk)

Stuck in a Y-Hole: I Can Understand How Some People Have Died Because They Wouldn’t Get Up From the Internet

It’s no secret how much I adore coversongs. But…

I have to say that I really enjoy the art of the revamped cover song as opposed to the straightlaced “Glee-esque” (Gleesque?) karaoke style cover. Trust me. If I had the ability to play an instrument without having a massive panic attack I would be pounding these out like crazy. Think… Lounge singer. I’ve talked about how I can sing but am intimidated by those that can play an instrument. Except for Rockband. I can kick booty on medium… okay… easy. To be fair, I just got an XBox360 this year and I have had little time with it, as I’m just not that invested.

So I decided to compile a list of my favorite coversongs from YouTube clips. Blame it on the alcohol. You will eventually be right. I maintain I started this post sober.

The Noisettes – When You Were Young (The Killers)

Shingai Shoniwa has such a phenominal voice. Her sweet velvety voice has slight hints of grit. True grit. [Why am I laughing hysterically right now?]

The Lost Fingers – Billie Jean (Michael Jackson)

Hey, have you ever wanted to feel like you were strolling on a Parisian street but were too afraid to embrace another language? THIS IS THE MUSIC FOR YOU! The Lost Fingers have covered a lot of songs from the eighties ranging from Pump Up the Jam to Careless Whisper.

Skindred – Electric Avenue (Eddy Grant)

Admittedly, this is VERY close to Eddy Grant’s version, but it seems a bit harder with the guitar and the industrial scratch samples added in. It makes you want to dance like an idiot then punch someone in the face for laughing at you.

Richard Cheese – Closer (Nine Inch Nails) – NSFW

Not only is this a lounge version of something composed by Trent Reznor, but it also sounds like the intro to Sesame Street. Pretty awesome. Plus, the dude’s stage name is Richard Cheese. Think about it…

Amanda Palmer – I Will Follow You Into the Dark (Death Cab for Cutie)

The song is beautiful, and it is infinitely more beautiful when it feels like there is a massive amount of emotion behind it. Whatever pushed her to perform the song, especially like this, makes me want to ship up to Boston on her next jaunt home and give her a huge friggin hug.

The Baseballs – Hot N Cold (Katy Perry)

The Baseballs are a coverband from Germany that my friend introduced me to. They’re all ridiculously adorable.

Molly Lewis – Toxic (Britney Spears)

Not only is Molly adorable, she is dextrous. MARVEL I SAY! MARVEL!

Son of Dave – Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (Daft Punk)

I will continue telling you how much I love Son of Dave until it is no longer true. I love Son of Dave.

Far – Pony (Ginuwine) NSFW

Obviously this isn’t safe for work, unless you slide up and down poles all day. I’m not judging. You could be a fireman! A SEXY fireman!

Zeromancer – Send Me An Angel (Erasure)

Don’t know who Erasure is? They sang the theme song to Neverending Story (aaaaaaaaah. Had to be done.) You have to admit that playing tribute to one of the lamest bands is pretty damn inspired. Oh wait… You liked Erasure? … … *coughmetoocough*

The Vitamin String Quartet – Supermassive Black Hole (Muse)

Oh Muse… I loved you before Twilight… Now I suffer. I SUFFER! Damn you Stephanie Meyer! Damn you! Meh. They’re still amazing artists and if someone wants to take me to one of their concerts I am available.

Muse – Feeling Good (Nina Simone [actually from the 1965 musical The Roar of the Greasepaint but that’s the closest we’ll get to original singer.])

I really love this song. But it is very close to the original version, so I really shouldn’t put it on here, but this is my list!

Pomplamoose – Single Ladies [Put a Ring On it] (Beyonce)

I like their Gaga cover of Telephone, but I already posted a Gaga cover and this one is just as splendiferous.

Jonathan Coulton – Baby Got Back (Sir Mix Alot)

I’m so happy I decided to add this because I didn’t know there was a recording of Paul and Storm backing up Baby Got Back. So happy.

the Biovon – Money (Pink Floyd)

Oh hey, I’m going to essentially create myself a pipe organ from PVC pipe and I’m going to wail on it with ping pong paddles. You know how to play the saxophone? Sweet. Let’s form a band.

AND IT WORKS!

Hard N Phirm – Rodeohead (Radiohead Mashup)

Not only is it a mashup of many Radiohead songs, but it’s been mashed up with FIREFLY! You love a bluegrass cover of Radiohead songs. It’s like Amanda Palmer’s cover album on uke, except it was done first and it’s completely different. Okay… so it’s nothing alike. Except they are both completely awesome.

What’s that you say? Need more bluegrass covers? Well HERE YOU GO INTERNET! Okay, it’s probably just for me, but whatever. Quit hating.

Hayseed Dixie – Roses (Outkast)

I believe that their first cover was “Shook Me All Night Long”, hence the humorous name (Hayseed Dixie… AC/DC… Say it out loud. It’s okay.)

Crap… I can find a bunch of bluegrass covers. This search just made my week. I can’t top it. I cannot top all of this. THIS IS AMAZING!

Cornbread Red – Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)

I didn’t think this song could make me cry harder. Never underestimate the power of a fiddle.

Thank whatever diety is sitting somewhere other than here that just locked me out of YouTube. I would’ve been stuck in a Y-Hole with no chance of escape.

What Do @kanyewest, @charliesheen, and @nerdist have in common? MUSIC!

Back in January, taking to true meme form, Jimmel Kimmel arranged for Josh Groban to cover Kanye West’s tweets

After the media halestorm of Charlie Sheen’s latests things said, Apollo Run decided that the words were too poetic to be left without a melody.

Are you tired of listening to famous people being immortalized in song? WELL FUCK YOU! I’m not done! There is a duo on twitter called @wesingyourtweets and they do EXACTLY that. They call it the Sweet Treatment, or “Sweetment”.

Here’s one of my favorites – for Chris Hardwick aka @nerdist

Tantric Entertainment No Longer Exists? I Call Bullshit.

I realize that the internet has been inundated with a plethora of blogs either blasting or praising Kevin Smith for his decision to distribute his movie Red State.

For those of you who have had your head stuck in the sand for the last few weeks (or if you’re my mom and think the Internet Explorer icon ALWAYS takes you to your facebook page), here’s the breakdown.

Red State was shown at Sundance. After the movie, Kevin made the revelation that he was going to option his own movie and release it in October after touring America with it. For some reason, there was an enormous outcry.

Since this is my blog, I will share with you my first thought after finding this out.

Finally. (Followed very closely with “That’s fucking cool.”)

Kevin has since been speaking on his various podcasts about the decision to revamp his definition of Independent films. He talked about how much money the movie took to make, how much he could have hoped to have sold it for, how much the distributor would have spent on advertising, and as he crunched the numbers he realized that in this day and age, HE COULD DO THIS.

As a consumer of all things entertainment, web or otherwise, my biggest regret is that I do not live in an area that fully embraces the spirit of Indie films. Films that aren’t backed by a multimillion dollar advertising campaign are often overlooked by the theaters near me.

I remember catching wind a few years ago that John Waters movie A Dirty Shame was coming to a theater that was an hour and a half from where I lived. I WENT TO SEE IT. TWICE.

As I look out of the window of the coffee shop that I had to come to (lest sloth overwhelm me at home), I see an empty theater. A building that was created to showcase one of the things I enjoy the most is now a husk. A faded memory of what was.

With the introduction of the Internet streaming video and the ease of locating a pirated copy of… fuck… anything? All of this opportunity to keep connected and have instant gratification with whatever it is we want to see, movie theaters prices are continuously increasing. There has not been a movie within the last three years that I have attended that was packed.

Any hope of any real profit comes from the sales following the often short lived theater stay. Remember when a movie was so high in demand it seemed to stay in theaters for months? The home movie release was held up for months in what I am now calling “tantric entertainment”. Now, if you happen to see a movie in the theaters, within two months you can download a digital copy to whatever electronic device you want.

I have to give Mr. Smith mega props for saying that he WANTS the movie to be in theaters. He could just as easily push it onto on demand and clean house quickly. But, he wants to tour to promote. He wants to reach out to his 1.7 Million twitter followers and go “I’m going to be here, here, and here. If you can’t make it, please mark your calendar for October.”

If I had the money, I would be at the NYC Premiere in a heartbeat. Or Boston. If someone wants to fund the venture I will totally go.

I have a tendency of hearing about things and thinking about things and there comes this insane moment of clarity where I can tell something is going to be big. Whether or not the movie is my cup of tea, I want to be one of the people that can say “I was there.”

Unfortunately, I will be waiting until October with the general public to watch this movie.

Oh, and since I haven’t really talked about the movie I will admit to you that the premise scares the shit out of me. Here’s a brief synopsis, and if I can embed it I will include the trailer.

Red State is about a gay-hating minister (Michael Parks) who goes on a blood-drenched rampage against an equally murderous squad of federal agents, with some sex-crazed teens stuck in the middle.

Kevin Smith said one of the most inspiring things that I have heard in quite some time during his speech. “Indie film isn’t dead, it’s just grown up.”

Punk. Fucking. Rock.

The Internet proves that we have evolved, and the original way to advertise is not-so-slowly fading into obscurity. We are the future.

http://goddamnsusa.com