Recently, I have read and witnessed some incredibly childish things on and regarding the internet. Cyber-bullying and such.

Frankly, it’s ridiculous.

People, in general, are insecure. Don’t deny it, there is something about yourself that you don’t like or can’t control. It bothers you. I’m sure if I spent about fifteen minutes with you I could locate that one insecurity and point it out. But why would I want to?

Some inflammatory remarks were made about a friend of mine on a very public forum. Let’s call her Lena. Lena had been worried for awhile that she was slowly being edged out of a circle of friends that she had created. Two of the girls in the circle (I’ll name them Terry and Kim as I have no clue who they actually are) starting hanging out exclusively and not inviting Lena along.

Lena thought it was malicious in nature, but I (being uncharacteristically optimistic) told her that sometimes people click in different ways. It didn’t mean that they didn’t like her. They didn’t want to make her feel like they were making her do something she didn’t want to do. I’ve done it, Lena’s done it, and it’s been done to me. So she thanked me for the input and I thought I had heard the last of it.

This morning I come to find out that Terry had posted some negative comments about Lena’s weight on a social site, for everyone to read. Okay, first off? Lena? Not a heavy girl. Secondly, the only person that anyone should listen to about the issue of weight should be at a desk with a fucking doctorate sitting on their god damned wall.

It seems insane to me that people will point out a woman’s deepest insecurities to make themselves feel better. Here are things that you should never say. If you find them coming out of your mouth (or being posted on a public fucking site), smack yourself or find someone to do it for you.
“You’re only pretty with makeup.” 
“You’d be so pretty if you’d only [insert some type of grooming/dressing]”
“You’re such a pig.”
“Us fat girls have to stick together.”  (Yep. I really hate it when someone classifies you in a group to make themselves feel less self conscious.)
Also, if you threaten a woman’s intelligence or their parenting, you’re a fuckface.

In this day and age, the ability to share your opinions becomes easier. Add in the buffer that you’re typing those thoughts instead of saying them to the person’s face, it is leagues easier to put someone down.

I’ll be the first person to support the First Amendment, but if our forefathers saw the drivel spouting from some people’s lips because they “can”… They’d be ashamed of the warping of something that was meant to support our ability to share VALUABLE opinions.

When you publicly slander someone, you do it with the intention of making them feel bad about themselves. What you don’t realize is that in the process… YOU make yourself the asshole. You seem petty and cruel.

Whether or not you felt you had a purpose in doing something like that, the only thing you effectively do is make yourself the villain. I’m not talking about the cool, calculated villain that attacks someone with a sophisticated plan. I’m talking about Shredder’s Footsoldiers, the nameless Cobra employees, the Kingpin’s henchmen. That’s right. By mounting such an obvious attack, you become the expendable one.

Imagine Kim and Terry’s surprise when they entered a group activity and had people glaring at them like they were diseased. You want to know why they looked at you that way girls? Because you made it obvious to thousands of people on a social site that you have absolutely no discretion.

I’m glad you two found each other. You’re going to be the only friends you have.

Recently, because of the death of Andrew Koenig, I’ve been revisiting old diaries/journals/whatever you want to call them and have been fascinated at how much I have grown in such a seemingly insignificant amount of time. The entries are dark, and I had even mentioned times that I had physically punished myself during the bad times.

During my darkest times, I remember feeling like a porcelain doll. The slightest interruption or offset seemed cataclysmic to me, like I would plummet from my little shelf and crack into a thousand pieces.

I know that feeling isn’t ever going to go away. I’d like to think that I have progressed enough to know when I’m having one of those days. Trust me, if something is going wrong with me… I will look for someone to talk to. I know that a lot of people that suffer from depression feel that they don’t. That, or they have had a bad experience with one person turning them away that they feel like everyone will turn them away or trivialize their emotions.

But you know what?

It’s okay to be sad. Embrace the sadness. Be aware of the sadness. The fact that you can recognize that you’re stressed and disheartened proves that you’re looking at things proactively. Even though you don’t necessarily know how to fix it, you know that they need to be fixed.

One step at a time you can alter your perceptions and work on things and then look back on this day and go “Yeah, things were bleak. I fixed what I could and I’m working on the rest.” That happened to me as I looked at my old “angst-filled” entries.

Life is like the Wheel of Fortune tarot card. Things can change.

Giving up is not an option.

If you are feeling suicidal at all, please check out this site. It offers ways of dealing with suicidal thoughts and desires.

Yes, I consider a thought and desire (in this case) to be separate.

A suicidal thought can be a fleeting “I wonder if anyone would miss me” type thing. A suicidal desire would be the itch to do bodily harm to yourself.

My biggest hope is that someone reads this and realizes that they are not alone in feeling the way they do.

So please… get help if you need it. Even if you’re not sure if you need it, ask someone. Talk it out. Start a blog. It can be anonymous. Sometimes letting out your feelings under a nom de plume helps. Letting something bottle inside results in anxiety, stress, and taking something too far.

Life is a rollercoaster ride. Enjoy the twists, turns, drops, and elevations. No matter how bleak it can feel at times, there is ALWAYS someone who cares. If ever you feel despair or pain, remember this – pain is important. It reminds you that you are alive.

Send a random email to a friend or family member just letting them know you love and care about them. You’d be surprised how much a one line “I love you” can brighten someone’s day.