Food and Fergie – The Record Club is insane.

Seth: Facts Marissa may not know: The béchamel is the easiest of the classic French mother sauces to make.
Marissa: Oh, facts I may not know is, I’m sure, a multi-volume encyclopedia. I also think it’s hilarious that you’d think I’d make French sauces in every day life. The only way I’m making those is if I take up cooking classes in the actual country. Maybe Julia Child had it right….
Seth: I am calling bullsheet on that. In fact, I am teaching you a béchamel next time you are at the house.
Ali: Isn’t he married to Fergie?
Marissa: Yeah he’s the one who dubbed her “Lady Lumps” and then cheated on her with a stripper. And fought robots…some of whom looked like Katherine Heigl
Seth: If you make an or Will.I.Ham joke you’re getting a spanking.
Josh: Don’t forget the Tabooli.

12 Days of RCMas: 12 & 11: Muppets/Brian Setzer

Yesterday I had every intention of posting an album about holidaytimes, but I had just gotten back from a very fun mini vacation to NYC to see Addams Family and the Rockettes (Not at the same time… THOUGH I WOULD TOTALLY SEE A LINE OF KICKING PUGSLEYS!)

Each day before Christmas, I was planning to post a review of Christmas Albums you may not know of and what I think of them. If you really want a buttload of Christmas all up in your ears, the entire list is posted on Grooveshark, but each day I’m planning to post one. Today, however, you get two!

RC: John Denver & The Muppets – A Christmas Together








This is the one Christmas album that has made it through every move, the switch to cassette, the switch to CD, the downloading of MP3s. This IS Christmas for me. Listening to this while decorating a tree, or making cookies with this on constant loop is my fondest memories of my time with my family during the holiday seasons.




After Listening:


Still love it. I cannot wait to listen to it with my parents.




Favorite track/tracks:


Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas – I have such a fondness for Rowlf and the rasp of his voice. It’s such a great combination of John Denver’s soft tone and Rowlf’s sandpaper.


When The River Meets The Sea


Little Saint Nick – Animal screaming “RUN RUN REINDEER!” makes me laugh hysterically each time.


Noel: Christmas Eve, 1913 – Absolutely beautiful melody.




Least favorite track/tracks:


There aren’t any that I dislike enough to skip over.




Overall (1-5 stars):   5


RC: Brian Setzer Orchestra – Boogie Woogie Christmas




I’ve liked Setzer since the Stray Cats, so I’m pretty sure I know what I’m in for. Rockabilly with Big Band backup.


After Listening:

I love the album. It’s got a few songs that are rarely visited on a lot of mainstream holiday albums without being so obscure that you can’t sing along with a few of them. It’s old style swing and rock applied to old songs. I want to make sex to it.


Favorite track/tracks:

Boogie Woogie Santa Claus – It’s got a rhythm that makes me want to dance to it. I don’t have an old childhood attachment to it. It’s just fresh, friendly and fun.

The Nutcracker Suite – I adore the change in tempo and tackling this orchestral piece with an electric guitar is no easy feat. Setzer can pick like a friggin demon.


Least favorite track/tracks:

Winter Wonderland – I don’t particularly like the song, so it’s nothing personal. The lyrics are just dumb.


Overall (1-5 stars):   5



Friday Traveling (aka Crankypants)

Well I am sitting on a plane right now and figured that since I have my laptop I would do something for the blog.

Yesterday morning, someone asked me if I wanted to go to a midnight showing of Green Lantern. Those of you that have seen me have probably seen me in my Green Lantern hoodie. I genuinely enjoy comic books and will watch every single one of them to show my support… But sometimes, my support is in the form of me watching it when I can see it free.

That is how I believe I will come to view Green Lantern.

It’s for a completely ridiculous reason too… The costume is like a donkey punch to the soul. Yes, I get it. Ryan Reynolds has lickable abs. I’m sure even the straightest of straight men after taking a gander at them would probably allow (at least) one of his fingers in their ass. But for someone to spend the CGI money on a CGI suit? That’s fucking crazy. Why did they waste the digital budget on painting a suit on him when they could have beefed up some uber fight scenes. Shit… I would rather they create a prison that is full of yellow things out of CGI than making it look like he was being body painted.

I understand through the ads that the costume is something that is created by the ring, but… come on. A ring that is so friggin powerful that you can create anything? How about a mask that doesn’t look like it was fingerpainted on?

I honestly was a lot more angry about that yesterday and the blog that I had written in my head was so phenominal it would have changed the course of blogging for years to come, but the turbulence on the longest flight I have today is trying to make me pee. I doubt it is helpful that the pilot has decided to forge right through the cloud height instead of ascending or decending to prevent this.

I am cranky and angry and need a nap. Whine whine whine whine. Bitch and Moan.

I think I bought a laptop that is too huge for this type of travel. I’m sitting here and the screen is larger than my seat and it is also crazy dusty. I think this is probably due to the fact that I have shitty lighting in my room.

When I get to Portland, I have to hop the Red Line to the Beaverton Transit Center and then hop the bus to get to my High School buddies house. I’m really looking forward to this time away. I hope I love Portland. I hope I love San Diego. I hope I love Los Angeles. I hope this plane stops shaking. I don’t have any anxiety meds. I would, however, really like to get some before I leave Los Angeles.

I think the trick to flying is to be completely exhausted so that you wind up sleeping the entire trip. This is unfortunate news for an insomniac, especially one that can’t sleep because they are excited or can’t sleep because they’re nervous about the trip home. On the two hour leg of my travels the people sitting next to me managed to both conk out for the entire flight. I spent my time listening to Doug Loves Movies and Eardrop.

Eardrop is something that I let build up and then listen to a bunch of them at once. I squeed when Chris got a callout from Tom Lennon. I tend to do that a lot.

I get a little weird when I’m mentioned on things, but I get so thrilled when someone I know does. I’m all “Weeee they must be so happy!” but when I get a shoutout I get a little uncomfortable.

Okay the amount of space that I do not have makes typing super painful. Thank god I didn’t pay for the WiFi. I’m done for right now.

Update* – I have since made it safely and soundly to Portland and am drinking scotch. I’m feeling a bit better

Help Me Write My Bio!

Hi guys! I have a favor to ask of you!

I have a page that I started the day that I bought my website that I haven’t ever filled out called “About”.

I think I’m going to try something. Help me fill out that page. Send a tweet to @cranialspasm with the hashtag #ali and something to help me build that friggin page. It doesn’t have to be 140 characters or less (you can even post it as a comment here). It doesn’t have to be true either. As long as it is either factual or funny I will put it up there and link to whoever sent it to me.

There might be an additional bonus to helping me build up my “ABOUT” page on my site.

This was a last minute idea, so I’m going to give you until I get up tomorrow morning (probably 9am).

Have fun!

My Harrowing Experience at the dentist

I ended up going back to the DDS today where he refused to do anything unless I put $1000 down (as I forgot to pay him for awhile some time ago. My bad. Luckily I had it.) Anywho… He took a look at my tooth, figured out which one was the owie. Honestly, the practice of dentistry is amazing. He pushed down on teeth until I screamed (even though I already told him that was the one). So after looking at it, he said it would be better to yank that tooth and instead focus on reenforcing the one next to it (I’m calling him Fitzwillie, as he cost about as much as a dandy’s outfit). So he shoved so much novacaine in my mouth that I was pretty sure he could remove my jaw and I wouldn’t have known it. He did his job and told me that I needed to go to an oral surgeon to get the bad one (I’ve named him Tyrone. Tyrone be treating me bad, yo. Oh! Okay. Meds have kicked in. Awesome) taken out.

This was the first time I have ever gotten a tooth extracted without being put under. I’m terrfied of any type of dentistry.

Here’s why – When I was younger I needed to have oral surgery because one of my eye teeth was all “FUNK you! You can’t tell me where to go, I have my own path to take.” To which my orthodontist replied “We’re going to get a dental archaologist to dig through the tissue on the roof of Ali’s mouth and slap a brace on you and cart yo ass right on down to home plate.” My orthodontist… was… gangsta.
So he sends me to this guy that pops me full of novacaine and I feel the right side of me go numb. The rest of me is screaming “NONONONONO! Wrong side!” And I actually said that to the guy twice and he shrugged me off like I was a whiny little kid that just wanted more novacaine. So he started cutting into the left side of the roof of my mouth and I’m screaming and crying through the whole thing and the douche yells at me to “quit being a baby”. Uh, sorry dude. I can feel you knife raping my mouth. My dad wasn’t allowed into the room until after the procedure. He knows that I NEVER scream during things like this. Never. So he was ready to lay this dude out. Awww… I want to hug my dad right now. I just thought hug him so we’re good.

So that’s why I’m terrified of things going in my mouth that I have no control over. I have to tell you that I was super terrorfied (BEAR HANDS!) about getting the tooth out today. So they redosed me and I decided to listen to the Nerdist podcast during it. Their voices were hugs on my brain.

Holycrapfist that hurts like a mother! It’s like my jaw is a battered housewife that just won’t let go of this tooth that is absolutely horrible for it (fuckin Tyrone.) and the doctor and her tools are the police and stuff. Oh and Tyrone lost his MF legs yo! My tooth snapped and after it was all over I was like “Can I keep it?” and they looked at me like I was ridiculous. Here’s how I intended on wording it for them.

“Okay, I know this sounds weird but there’s something really creepy about owning your own tooth after you’re out of elementary school and I’d really like to gross out some people.”

Here’s how it sounded.
*gurgle* *swish* *swallow* *cough*

She must have understood me because I got Tyrone sitting in my car. How weird is that? I’m quickly able to name the tooth that done me wrong, but I can’t name my friggin car?

Why yes hipster, I have heard of them.

Okay so my iPod is chock full of varying degrees of music, and thanks to my subscription to a radio service on the internets (that I’m not going to plug as I have to pay monthly to use it) I have been making random playlists of playlisty-ness. I actually have a playlist called “Eat Me I Love These Songs”. As of right now, it only has two songs in it, but still.

I find that as I grow the widesweeping musical tastes grow with me. They warp into these crazy connections. When I used to religiously use a radio site (before it jammed in so many ads) it introduced me to many artists that were new to me. Portishead and Poe led to Bitter:Sweet which led to Honeyhoney which made me realize that I really like breathy ladies singing all over my ears. Stephen Lynch brought me back to Weird Al Yankovic and that introduced me to DaVinci’s notebook which led to me hearting Paul and Storm.

Music tastes can vary, and I’m fully supportive of that. But when someone scoffs because I liked something a lot later than they did, it is infuriating. I think I finally figured out what the negative is of being considered a hipster.

Recently, the Raveonettes came out with their new album (and I mean recent. April 5th) and I let out a squeal of happiness and immediately started listening to it. Of course, Douche Baggins (distant cousin of Frodo) sneered at me as if to say that my interest in that was diminished because the next thing to pop on shuffle was “Bulletproof” by LaRoux (I’m totally adding that to my “Eat Me” playlist). I don’t care if you don’t happen to like something that I listen to. If you’re sitting in my car, there is an 80G harddrive of countless other artists that you can dial in to if you want. At home, I have over 165G of music.

I don’t care what the music is that you like. Chances are, I could get used to something and really grow to love it. There is something fantastic to me about sharing a band with someone when they have never heard of them. I actually have a close friend that moved 3,000 miles away who STILL texts me with questions about songs and who they’re from.

As it is with nerd trivia, don’t question my taste in music. It varies a lot more than my taste in icecream. That is to say that I don’t eat all that much icecream.

Doubt Destroys Creativity

Have you ever felt the urge to do something but lacked the motivation to do so?

Occasionally it feels that my life is plagued by procrastination and blame. “I’ll wait until I have some free time to myself to write.” “I can’t write because I put so much into work when I get home I need to decompress.” These are just two of the many excuses I give.

Yes, I do write more when I have time to myself but in this economy… I need to keep working. I can’t assume that life is going to be less hectic. I guess what I’m trying to say is that life isn’t going to slow down for anyone.

As for me thinking that work gets in the way of everyone… Uh… J.K. Rowling wrote her first book on napkins while waiting tables in London (or something like that. She was a working mom and went home to her children every day.)

As much as I was determined to not let the many rejection notices I had gotten from many different agents on the East Coast get to me… they did. It squashed my desire to write. I wanted to make the most of NaNoWriMo last November to flesh out a skeleton I have had in my back pocket for quite some time. That didn’t happen.

Sometimes I worry that the only thing I can manage to write are rants and reviews. I think that is more based on the fear of failure, or that my work isn’t good enough. It’s not that I doubt the genuine replies from friends when they get a chance to read something I’ve written and they like it. It’s a bit more introspective.

For a lot of people, their childhoods and young adult lives are chock full of moments when someone tells you that “you’re not good enough”. You’re too fat, too thin, too dumb, too smart to speak with people, too introverted, too extroverted…

Why is it that we inherently take that as how we are truly viewed by everyone? Do we assume that because our friends like us, they are afraid to share their true feelings? Do we assume that a perfect stranger has a better grasp on what the general public will like?

As much as people say that they don’t care what other people think, the majority of the people on the internet are there because they want attention. I’d say a heavy percentage of those people want people to like them. A smaller percentage feel that getting negative feedback ups their noteriety, in turn making them famous.

Let’s face it. A lot of us have self esteem issues. I’m thinking that if there isn’t something you’re insecure about you might be too dumb to realize it (see what I did there?).

We are constantly shown by someone else what we should like. Many times it turns out that what I like on television isn’t liked by everyone so it is removed only to become a cult hit years later (*cough* Firefly *cough*).

I don’t know. I’m rambling just because I need to write something. I have the itch to write but every time my fingers hit the keypad to write the story that I want to get out of my brain, I freeze.

What if people don’t like it? What if I’m deluding myself about my talent. All it takes is one person to go “Nah… Don’t like it” for me to think “oh… I should probably stop then.” But inside, I think about being so crippled that I’m not taking any risks. That it’s probably the stupidest thing that I have ever done.

I wish that I could just blink and have the story out of my head. When I hit a block I wonder if my vocabulary is stunted. I think that if I am unable to convey a scene in my head, perhaps I don’t have the intelligence or ability to express myself.

Doubt destroys creativity.

My Friend Seth is Lloyd Dobler, But His Speakers Are the Weinermobile

When my brand new laptop arrived at my parents house, my mom called me to pull it up. I HAD to share my excitement with someone. The end result was the greatest email chain in email history.

Seth: Either your computer, or Paul F. Tompkins driving an Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.
Ali: Now I’m depressed that didn’t happened… Stupid computer. Way to crush DREAMS Seth!
Seth: Well, we’ll see what your birthday brings.
Ali: OH… My… GOD. If you win the lotto and make this happen, my brain will explode. I could just picture you standing outside my house with a set of speakers and it’s just a looped recording of YOU OWE ME! blasting out of them.

Incoming message from Seth: