In Regards to My Recent Sadness… (A Thank You)

I have been incredibly relaxed about posting to my blog for quite some time. The truth is, things have really been rough. I was laid off at Christmas, had to admit defeat and ask for financial help, have not been able to do much as I am broke, and have had some falling out with people that I believed were friends.

 

To be honest, it has felt like one cosmic c**t punt after the next.

 

However, through all of it, my heart is still happy with my choice to move to Oregon.

 

Yesterday, I found out that someone back east that I knew had killed themselves on Monday. They didn’t leave a note. They didn’t seem like they were having a rough time. They dispatched themselves in a place of sadness and reverence. While I choose not to go into detail about the situation, it hurt more than I expected. Please understand I am not looking for sympathy.

 

If you offer it, thank you. It is appreciated, but mostly I am angry and confused about the entire situation. I am lucky that I have friends that I can go to for a hug. When I completely lose it and bawl to the point of not being able to breathe, they are there to hold my hand, hand me tea, let me vent, and then let me sit quietly with them for an hour after I said I didn’t want to talk.

 

Last night, I got home and was haunted by sadness for the family left behind. My chosen family. May is a hard month for us all, because we lost someone we loved very much on 5/16/09. To lose someone in that circle of friends/family so close to the anniversary that hurts a lot for me. It feels deliberate.

 

To get my mind off of it, I posted to my personal facebook page “I could use a little happiness. Please tell me something about your life that you are happy about. It would help me greatly.” To my surprise, there were 79 comments. Some mentioning that they were happy I was in their life (appreciated, but I wasn’t fishing, really). Some posted pictures of a slow loris. Some mentioned that they had friends visiting and some have had some amazing things happen in their lives, and it really helped.

 

It helped so much.

 

To all who posted to my facebook thread, Thank you. If ever you are feeling low or sad, remember that there is so much happiness in the world and there is always the opportunity for future happiness.

 

Do not give up. Do not give up. Do not give up.

 

Yes… My life isn’t perfect. But it’s mine and I am not about to give it up without a fight.


3 Responses to In Regards to My Recent Sadness… (A Thank You)

  1. I really enjoyed reading all the posts about good things happening yesterday as well. It was so refreshing to hear things people were looking forward to, or joy and happiness that were occurring in complete strangers lives. Thank YOU for making that happen.

  2. Popple says:

    <3 <3 <3

  3. I know you weren’t fishing, but it’s true. I thought for a moment about what I should post. To be honest, there’s a lot in my life that I’m happy about and a lot that I’m not happy about and for me it was one of those days I wasn’t very happy, but through all those thoughts there’s one thing that surfaced rather quickly. I AM happy to know you. You have added so much to my life without even realizing it.

    Somehow over the great wide interwebs we all made friends and started relationships that have now grown, some of them stronger, some of them apart, but nevertheless one thing remains glaringly true. We have some kick ass friends. And I include you in that group for me, even if we don’t talk as much as we used to. <3