Work Emails: Taxidermy & Self Oppression

January 26, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

Marissa: Oh and I was hanging out at pharmacies before listening to this album, and also have contemplated collecting taxidermy, but I was thinking more of starting with this piece, not owls….because owls always look like they’re watching me. I like my dead animals stuffed to look alive to look as dormant as possible:

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Marissa: Actually, I think I’ve really found the one that I want. This would make the mantle on any fireplace better…I also want to make them tiny Native American headdresses and garb because I like to be as offensive as possible to new guests.

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Marissa: In my mind, the inspiration for this piece came from the owners’ constant viewing of Pochahontas.

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Seth: And the first was from Aladdin?
BTW, be sure your Google is set for strict safe search before you look for Disney tigers. It’s a sick world out there.

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Seth: As the Native American in the RC, let me thank you for the blankets.

Ali: Seth, HALF of you is Native American. The other half of you OPPRESSED Native Americans.
… Your body must constantly be at war with itself.

Seth: My oppressor half managed to oppress the Possamaquoddy and Irish fractions equally.

Marissa: But the good news is that his immune system is only HALF as susceptible to the pox

Seth: But between that and the potato blight…

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Perspective

January 25, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

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RC: Florence + the Machine – Lungs

January 20, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

 

Record Club: Florence + the Machine – Lungs

 

Preconceptions:

I’ve heard a few of their songs before.

 

Tracks:

Dog Days Are Over – It is continual proof that I enjoy repetitive hand clapping in songs.

Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) – It sounds like Imogen Heap, Annie Lenox and a less-Bjorky Bjork got together to sing over a Laurie Anderson experiment.

I’m Not Calling You a Liar – Did Missy Higgins and Ingrid Michaelson have a baby?

Howl – The synth in the background makes me long for a shiny satin jacket and the caterwauling ofFlorence reminds me that Fiona Apple’s monthly sandwich should be administered soon. .

Kiss With a Fist – Kimya Dawson and Melanie join the Runaways! Come one, come all!

Girl With One Eye – Oh how I wish Imelda May was singing this. The lazy rockabilly strumming behind it would be amazing with that Irish lasses voice instead of Beaker from the Muppet show articulating.

Drumming Song – Not enough drumming. False advertising.

Between Two Lungs – A beginner tap class favorite! I do dig the heartbeat feel to the percussion until it starts to introduce the tambourine. That is what we in the medical field would call “atrial flutter/fibrillation”. GRAB THE PADDLES!

Cosmic Love – If it hasn’t been on a CW show yet… It’s going to be.

My Boy Builds Coffins – It has a Natalie Merchant feel if she was being directed by Colin Hay (Men at Work).

Hurricane Drink – This sounds like a soundtrack song for an early 90s Sarah Jessica Parker quirky romantic comedy or a mid 90s song for a Sarah Michelle Gellar film. I think that single three named Sarahs have decided that this is their anthem. Actually, as I listen to the lyrics and it’s talking about “drinking yourself to death”… Wow. I misshot that one.

Blinding – Opening a song with a bunch of guitar plucking makes me really nervous. I guess it’s an odd sense of dread brought upon but the simple plucking of string instruments in horror movies that make me want to immediately attack someone that is approaching me. That is why there must not be a harp if I am in a wedding. It’s in my bridesmaid rider. 

You’ve Got The Love – A little Adele “Right As Rain” bounce to the opener. Honestly? I’m tired of her voice now. I need to stop this and then try to listen to this song after I’ve had a bit of a breather.

 

After Listening:

I’ve pretty much decided that Florence has such a distinctive voice I initially didn’t know if she’d be anything without the Machine. After the album I think she sounds like the singer from the Cranberries collaborating with Polyphonic Spree. Thank all that is holy that the songs aren’t the length of the PS albums. It is very reminiscent of all of these squeaky “faux-feminist” artists now – Regina Spektor, Ingrid Michaelson, Sarah Bareilles, Tori Amos, Missy Higgins, the chick from A Fine Frenzy, Jewel… I cannot believe that this does it for me. I think it might be the hidden angry, bitter, jaded chick deep inside of me that is cynical but also carries this hope that there is someone on a white horse ready to fight dragons… I hate that b***h.

 

I think the saddest part is that I feel cheap for making fun of this when I completely dig most of the harmonies and melodies…

 

Favorite track/tracks:

Dog Days Are Over

Kiss With a Fist

 

Least favorite track/tracks:

Girl With One Eye – I really would love this if it was covered by someone else. Like me.

 

Overall (1-5 stars):   4

 

To read more opinions on albums like these, please visit listenatwork.wordpress.com

 

 

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I Am My Biggest Enemy (aka The Search for a New Job)

January 16, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

 

Obviously I have made it known to many that I am going to be migrating West in the summer. With that decision I have actually had several panic attacks. Am I making the right decision? What if I fail? What if I move out there and don’t make any friends?

The biggest panic attack that I have had in recent days has a lot to do with finding a job out there. When the majority of my classmates were continuing their education, I tried it and had a meltdown and ended my pursuit of structured education.

I have always been a person stimulated by intellectual pursuits, but the idea of having to focus on one thing has never been something that I was ultimately comfortable with. I didn’t want to work hard for a job that I ended up hating. Instead, I started a laundry list of jobs and such that would pay my bills while taking my own path to learn new things.

When I am given a rubric of things that I need to focus on and my interest is not met, I have a tendency of getting angry about the idea of spending my time on something that I am not passionate about. I could blame it on my generation with our crazy sense of entitlement, but that is a generalization that is not fair to people my age that knew what they wanted to do and followed through on their pursuit. In fact, I have a misguided sense of entitlement that whatever I want to do I should do and should be paid highly for it.

Sadly, the world doesn’t agree. I have recently joined LinkedIn and spent my lunch break one day looking through jobs that are currently available in the Portland area. As I clicked on jobs that interested me, I felt my anxiety grow. The requirements for so many of the positions required a degree in something that I wouldn’t have ever thought was a possible degree. Eventually it felt like a centaur had kicked me in the solar plexus.

My brain started to battle itself. In my head, it was like a part of my brain was an irritated douche and the meek reply I imagined was from that of a brow-beaten child that had failed and knew that they had done something wrong. The conversation went thusly.

KidBrain: “Oh, this is an awesome job. I’m going to check it out.”

DoucheBrain: “You’re not going to get it. You need to have a degree.”

KidBrain: “I know, but maybe they will…”

DoucheBrain: “Stop it. Stop living in your stupid little fantasy world. They are NOT going to hire you.”

KidBrain: “Yeah but I have all this experience with webpages and sound editing…”

DoucheBrain: “… that you cannot prove at all because you don’t have a piece of paper telling them that someone has already confirmed that you are capable.”

KidBrain: “But… but… I AM capable.”

DoucheBrain: “Why would you even send over a request. Think about all of the rejections for your book idea. Think about all of the jobs that people didn’t call you back about before. Didn’t you want to work on a cruise ship?”

KidBrain: “Yeah… I thought I would be good on a ship.”

DoucheBrain: “And did they call you or contact you after your preliminary inquiry?”

KidBrain: “… … no.”

DoucheBrain: “ What makes you think that anyone wants you to do anything?”

KidBrain: “… … … … … shut up.”

After awhile, KidBrain would just allow DoucheBrain to brow beat me into exhaustion and I would look for something to take my mind off of the stomping of hooves on my breastplate. My hands would be shaking from an argument that I hadn’t even had with someone else. I DIDN’T have a reason to feel that way. I had used nonsensical logic to incite a riot in my body.

When I have a panic attack, I tend to forget that I can go to someone when I’m having an issue. I KNOW that there are people that would be willing to help usher me through it, but during the stampeding centaur moments it rarely occurs to me. There used to be a place where I felt safe to admit that I wasn’t feeling great and needed help. The moment there was note that sharing that side of myself wasn’t welcome, I had the misguided notion that no one would be able to help me and I felt so very alone. Since that happened, I feel lost when I suffer through a panic attack.

I never wanted to be considered THAT GIRL or the butt of someone’s joke. The idea of sharing something so vulnerable about me and having it met with either indifference or flat out hostility turns my stomach. But alternately, I had to realize that only sharing sadness is rough to whoever is on the receiving end.

Tangent aside, I have had a difficult time listing the things that I am capable of when setting up my assault on the job market. I figured I would try to make a list (and if you can think of anything that you feel I am capable of PLEASE let me know).

Things I Am GREAT At:

-          Talking to people: When someone isn’t being a megadouche, I have to admit that I enjoy speaking with people and hearing about their point of view.

-          Visual design: If I have a blogging theme to work with that allows me to customize things I am actually very proficient in making it appealing to people that would be frequenting it.

-          Sound editing: Being able to edit down a podcast or set up a theme song is not only fun for me, but it is exciting following a project from start to finish.

-          Adapting: Whether it is working on a webpage and figuring out how to set up a podcast or teaching myself how to use Windows Movie Maker, it is the problem solving part of my brain that fits things together like puzzle pieces.

-          Efficiency: Creating spreadsheets to make any job easier is an absolute joy for me. I cannot tell you all enough that my brain thinks in excel spreadsheets. I streamlined my job and I streamlined the compilation process of several projects and have made it so much easier to keep track of things in the future.

-          Writing: I enjoy writing, regardless of the amount of people that actually read it. Sometimes I get discouraged about it not being read by many, but knowing that the possibility of someone happening upon it is invigorating.

-          Appraisal: I have ideas for things when people approach me and I have the ability to offer critique or even offer a different perspective (even if I don’t agree with the perspective I’m giving).
… I’m sure there are more things that I am proficient in, but I just don’t know. If you can think of something, please please please let me know.

 

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Friday the 13th?!?!?! *shrug*

January 13, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

Today is Friday the 13th. Of course, Twitter and Facebook are full of attempted clever status updates about the spookyness of this date. Well… 13’s never been bad for me.

It turns out that 13 is either considered Lucky or Unlucky. I checked out wiki to see WHY it was associated with that specific number and here were the things that made me go “hmm… alright. I can understand how it was lucky or unlucky in the past.”

Unlucky

- Fear of the number 13 has a specifically recognized phobia, Triskaidekaphobia, a word which was coined in 1911. The superstitious sufferers of triskaidekaphobia try to avoid bad luck by keeping away from anything numbered or labelled thirteen. Many hotels and tall buildings omit a thirteenth floor.
- 13 turns (where the rope is wrapped around itself) make a traditional hangman’s noose. Anything less would not snap a neck. It was considered a “humane” noose… And that is ridiculous. There is nothing humane about watching a body dangle, especially when it doesn’t immediately snap the neck.
… Why have I even thought of this?
- At Jesus Christ’s last supper, there were thirteen people around the table. Google that painting and count it. Twelve apostles and Jesus. I’m guessing what happened to Jesus the following day was pretty unlucky.
- If a woman’s menstrual cycle is 28 days, 13 cycles will occur during the year. That’s unlucky for dudes, AMIRITE GUYZ???
(That’s “am I right” mom. I’m being cheeky)

Lucky

- In a tarot card deck, XIII is the card of Death, usually picturing the Pale horse with its rider. However, the Death card doesn’t always mean death in a tarot reading. Oftentimes it can signify change.
Admittedly, I found more unlucky things than lucky things because I really don’t care about sports, Taylor Swift’s Birthday or a Megadeth album title.

It’s never been an unlucky number in my family. My grandmother, my brother, and I were all born on the 13th of various months. Thirteen is a child’s first twelve months as a teenager. Okay… Admittedly, that sucked.

I’m curious. For all of the people that have posted comments about it being Friday the Thirteenth, do they actually have a reason to feel it’s unlucky? Friday the 13th wasn’t considered a damnation day before the 19th century. I would think that unless you are being chased around by a soggy grey bobblehead of a child that died, resurfaced, tossed on a hockey mask and delivered watery vengeance against people… You’ll be alright.

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Arnott’s Tim Tams

January 13, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

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“Look Pepperidge Farm, I’m really fond of you. Imma let you finish, but Arnott’s
makes the best Tim Tam of all time.”

I just Kanye-D cookies.

Slam.

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The Record Club Reviews Are LIVE!

January 12, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

Towards the end of last year I had started posting reviews about albums. I was incredibly excited and honored to have been selected as the first person not working for the same company as the people of the Record Club to join in on their weekly album reviews.

What is Record Club?

Every Tuesday and Thursday, we are assigned an album to listen to in its entirety. When we’re done, we then share our opinions with the rest of the group.

Due to the customizing issues with blogging site permissions, I offered to host the blog here! So, if you like reading about albums and are interested in listening to them and sending over comments, please feel free to visit cranialspasm.com/recordclub

 

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Put away the camera, moron. This isn’t a recital.

January 7, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

Why would you want to look through something so tiny when you have ALL THE THINGS behind it?

I realize that this back and forth banter has been played to death for the past 26 hours, but I wanted to weigh in as a fan of going to live comedy shows.

Just to give you a little bit of background, last night Patton Oswalt RT’d a very negative blog about one of his free performances and his perceived attitude about being filmed while working out new material. He posted a reply this morning that told his side of the story.

 

As a performer:

 

No, I’m not famous. I have had my share of time on stage and love doing it because of the amazing feeling of terror mixed with elation. It is the biggest adrenaline rush to step unto an elevated, illuminated area meant to pull people’s attention to you. It is absolutely envigorating to HEAR a person’s response or SEE a grin or shaking shoulders through the dimly lit crowd. THAT is encouraging.

 

Seeing a jarring flash or a red light is distracting. When someone is on stage, they aren’t just winging the entire thing. Yes, there can be moments of tangents, but for the most part, jokes are worked on outside of a venue and honed on the stage. When they hit that joke and feel the rush that comes with the flush of adrenaline it is a glorious thing. If adrenaline had a voice it would be whispering sexily “Yes. Yes, that is how I’m going to perform that part from now on.” Each time the bit is performed, the words adjust and new jolts pass over the performer.

 

The benefit of doing live shows that are not being recorded is that it is okay to have a moment where you tank. The brain of a performer takes that into account like a chef would take a slight taste of something, realized it needed more sugar and adjusted accordingly. Having material recorded can be incredibly nerve-wracking. The only thing that helps is knowing EXACTLY how you’re performing something and having a professional tape it.

 

 

 

 

 

Here is how I see it as a viewer:

 

I was not at the performance, but I would like to speak for many people that go to comedy shows and are forced to witness shit like this. Let me just come out and say it.

 

People? Put your fucking cellphones away.

 

While you think that you are getting something amazing to look at later or you have the morbid desire to set a performer off and get some great material to hopefully send to a stupid fucking tabloid, there are tons of people behind you. We are trying to enjoy the show that is feet from us but we’re being distracted by the glow from your stupid iPhone with the hipster cover that looks like a cassette tape with a mustache on it.

 

You spend your entire day with your eyes focused on the display of your phone, watching amateur videos with poor sound and people singing in the background to some band I can’t even be bothered to think of right now.

 

But hey there little trooper, guess what? You are ACTUALLY at a show! Put your camera/phone away and just ENJOY it. The memory of the performance will be so much better when you can actually watch it. Looking through a tiny frame is just ridiculous.

 

 

 

 

As for Patton’s reaction:

 

Patton could’ve called the woman a daft hairy cow’s cunt and I would still agree with his position. Being at a live comedy show and watching it through your shitty iPhone instead of being in the moment is fucking stupid. The fact that the women “offered to stop and delete it” shouldn’t have even happened to begin with.

 

If I ever have a comedy club, I fucking promise any performer that as soon as a screen lights up in the crowd that person will be asked to leave. Think Alamo drafthouse, but we’ll turn the house lights up so EVERYONE can see who is interrupting the performance. Would the Met allow you to film La Traviata? You might think that it’s a different level of performance, and that makes you an elitist asshole.

 

 

 

 

 

There were hundreds of replies in varying opinions. People claimed that Patton’s behavior was inappropriate and should have stopped after the woman acquiesced and stopped filming.

 

Why? Patton was being human. Being human may not excuse bad behavior, but it does explain it.

 

As a general audience, people tend to forget that those we admire also have the same ability to react to situations that we do. Granted, I have never seen Oswalt tweet “No black and white cookies at the bakery, FML!” so he tends to keep a lot of his emotions from the internet. With the ability to immediately tweet something terrible or write an elaborate blog post about how a night was uncomfortable for you because it was horrible for someone else, I think that the restraint that a lot of comedians possess is admirable.

 

 

 

 

 

Wow. I haven’t ranted in awhile. Missed it.

 

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Repost: Why People Don’t Ask Me What I Want

January 7, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

I had to repost this, because it made me laugh really hard.

 

Andrea : What is your fave candy?
Ali: Why?
Ali: I need to know why cause I don’t wannt make the wrong decision!!!!!
Andrea : Don’t ask ques! Lol
Andrea : Omfg
Andrea : If someone were to buy u some candy what would u want?
Ali: Cadbury mini eggs
Andrea : Of course
Ali: Hah! Now you don’t know WHAT to do
Andrea : Whore!
Andrea : Lol
Andrea : Fine no candy 4 u!
Ali: Nooooo
Andrea : What kind do u like that is available ALL YEAR?
Ali: Peanutbutter m&ms, skittles, milkyway dark, turtles (I love pecans) um… Canada mints…
Andrea : Ok that’s good enough
Andrea : Thank u!
Ali: Lol!
Ali: Banana laffy taffy!
Ali: Runts!
Ali: Chocolate covered peanuts!
Ali: Gummy worms!
Ali: You can’t stop a candy rant!
Ali: Nerds!
Andrea : Oh boy! Lol
Ali: Milk chocolate bunnies that are built like supermodels (hollow inside)
Andrea : Roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ali: Oh and those take five thingums with the peanut butter and caramel and motha fucking pretzel that just makes me want to kiss the crap out of anyone!
Ali: Bees.
Ali: No wait!
Ali: Not bees!
Ali: If you promise me candy and hand me a box full of bees we’re going to have words
Ali: They’re mostly going to be “ahhhh bees”
Andrea : What have I done?
Andrea : Lololol
Ali: YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF!
Andrea : Lol
Andrea : But I had a good reason!
Ali: Yes. Let’s not discuss that reason or I might start listing things again.
10/27/10

 

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QFP December 2011: Shit My Friends Say

January 6, 2012 Posted by CranialSpasm

If I were President, I’d make Sugarland fans enemy combatants and put them all in Gitmo.
[RC] Chris 12/1/11

Is it too serious when my coworkers see me crying at work?
[RC] Mike 12/1/11

Ali: Will listening to this automatically make me a Juggalo? If it does, I refuse to listen to it. I really hate face paint and the idea of legally changing my name to Shank McGee would make me wonder if it is possible to curbstomp my own damn self.
Chris: The Joke’s On You Shanks.
[RC] 12/1/11

I’m a were-juggalo.
[RC] Ali 12/1/11

Seth: I would hate to have it said that I treated Violent J differently than John Zorn.
Josh: Exactly. You don’t want to give Violent J that much power.
Seth: I am fairly confident that Zorn could take him in a fist fight, though.
[RC] 12/1/11

Marissa: Oh don’t get your boxers bungled boys, I’ve listened to all of the songs so far. I’m just certain that this is the only Insane Clown Posse album I’ll ever listen to. I wasn’t prepared for this day when I was preparing for my life in high school
Ali: If you included ICP in your 10 year plan, I really think we wouldn’t be friends.
Ali: GUYS… MY GRAMMAR IS GETTING WORSE.
Seth: Mine be worser two!
Marissa: OH NO…if you keep listening, in three more tracks, you’re going to start looking for a guy in a dirty white tank to impregnate you and throwing up fake gang signs at work.
[RC] 12/1/11

This album is actually kind of fun. – Freshness McMurderman
[RC] Chris 12/1/11

It’s like in The Abyss when they have to breathe with the liquid oxygen and at first they fight it because it feels like they’re drowning so they try to hold their breath but after a couple minutes they just accept it and it works and they’re fine with breathing liquid into their lungs and they can go swimming all around and find a bunch of depressed aliens. That’s what it’s like.
[RC] Josh 12/1/11

A lot of people view these painful situations as being analogous to ripping off a band-aid. No, in this case I would rather be covered in a full body suit of adhesive tape and then have each strip be SLOWLY removed, leaving me looking like the kid that Andrew Clark made bleed that earned him his detention.
[RC] Marissa 12/1/11

It makes me wonder what kind of lyrical genius they could have dropped on us if the KFC Double-down had been around before this song.
[RC] Marissa 12/1/11

Who doesn’t like a good dose of necrophilia before 10 am?
[RC] Marissa 12/1/11

The term “nuts” as been thrown around so much I can’t help but think that at some point, the word “squirrel” should have also been used, even if as a euphemism for lady parts, but I don’t think these guys do euphemism… or subtle. Also, “as soon as I nut I’m gone” might become my official signature on work emails.
[RC] Marissa 12/1/11

Seth: http://www.fakebands.com/fakeband_o.html
Paul: This website is a black hole for my work day
Seth: Dear Paul, You’re welcome, Love, The Internet
Marissa: If only it was narrated by piano-playing kittens
Seth: Soundtrack by Rick Astley and Tay Zonday.
[RC] 12/1/11

Marissa: Hopefully Grace Slick woke up just a little crazier today.
Seth: That seems like a safe bet.
[RC] 12/1/11

Mike: Josh is old and Rainman now apparently.
Marissa: No, I think it’s just a side effect of the Lipitor
Ali: It’s not that he’d old, he’s just tired of people chilling on his lawn. His front porch isn’t a Gathering of the Juggalos.
[RC] 12/1/11

Ali: I want to know everyone’s Seth-given Juggname
Seth: Mankillah Fo’Sizzle, Crusty McFartbite, Maltlikker Angelstab, Gatly McMurder, Dragonrape Killuminati, Caffiend SlaughtahFuk and Commodore Hategroin bin Sliceliver bin Jawadiddler, OBE
Mike: Dragonrape is the best. I mean the name, not the act. The act is difficult. I hear…
Ali: I was Caffiend SlaughtahFuk. Very accurate. I drink a lot of coffee and have to constantly tell myself not to stab others.
[RC] 12/1/11

Lastly, I’d like to blame Ronald Reagan, Milton Friedman and the entire Republican establishment.
[RC] Paul 12/1/11

But in all, this shit is just straight bad. Like worse than Beyonce in Goldmember bad. Worse than Criss Angel bad. Worse than Gallagher bad. Like the complete opposite of Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
[RC] Paul 12/1/11

I wonder if White Chocolate gets “Why do you have ‘ebay’ tattoed on your fingers?” a lot.
[RC] Josh 12/1/11

Like the marriage, the first act was tolerable but the second was like chewing tinfoil while rolling naked in thumbtacks.
[RC] Seth 12/5/11

If there is a hell that is catered specifically for the person going to it, I think mine will be a room of unprepped anal intrusion, dragonflies, and ICP on repeat.
[RC] Ali 12/5/11

Seth: I am only 3 behind this season! Personal best! #IAmAwesome!
Josh: You can’t avoid the Du forever. The Du is gonna getcha.
Seth: The Du-Tang Clan ain’t nuttin’ ta fuck with?
[RC] 12/8/11
“I’m not trying to actively seagull this dude (poop on his head). I’m just confused as to where the self-esteem origin stories came from. I would like to tap into that.”
“His origin story? He was bitten by a radioactive narcissist.”
Ali and Seth12/8/11

To be honest I dig blues more, but jazz is a nice addition to the RC catalog. (Especially when Paul decides to add ICP. It’s like he’s intentionally hate fucking my soul.)
[RC] Ali 12/9/11

I think I should start live tweeting the New Testament.
Seth 12/9/11

Mom: “Prada, Henri Bendel…”
Ali: “Armani, Gucci, DeBeers.”
Dad: “The Coca-Cola Company… Why you laughing?”
12/11/11

Yes! I wanna have sex…. With Santa!
Random Guy on W50th in NYC 12/12/11

He’s too tan for NY!
Ali 12/13/11

He looks like he’s in a boyband.
Ali 12/13/11

“Yeah right. A mafia boss wouldn’t be driving a Ford.”
Dad 12/13/11

I want Danny Elfman to write the soundtrack of my life!
Ali 12/13/11

“I still have clothes in my trunk.”
“Me too. They’re attached to a hobo I murdered before we left for vacation.”
Mom and Ali 12/13/11

I don’t mind darkness. It makes the light so much more impressive.
Ali 12/16/11

Quotations are for the lazy. Say what you think. It means more to the listener.
Ali 12/16/11

If you put Christmas lights on your car, you deserve to be fisted by Santa.
Ali 12/16/11

That is where I’m a Viking. I’m also a Viking when I’m raping townsfolk and pillaging lands. I’d keep you. Time onboard is boring. I’d also share limes with you. I care about you enough to not let you get scurvy.
Ali 12/16/11

It’s Lord Know It All vs Mr. Earnest Believer in a who-cares battle for nothing.
Seth 12/16/11

Five for fifing!
Jackie 12/17/11

I missed the powerplay due to a bunch of cuteness.
Seth 12/17/11

“Was that the end?”
“No, there’s a movie now.”
Mom and Ali 12/18/11

Congrats, you won the lotto and have sickle cell!
Steve 12/21/11

This track should be interesting and funny, and unique BUT we get a vocal delivery of a guy on methadone, and music that probably belongs on Zamfir pan flute album.
[RC] Mike 12/22/11

That’s the nicest god damn Christmas card I’ve ever seen (no offence to the folks on this email that sent one my way. I love you guys but you know it too). I had to look twice because I originally thought it was an oil painting or something that’s how nice it is. Its like art. That little dog. All them presents. Leather books. I bet that room smells great.
Jarrod 12/22/11

Paul: Totally off topic, but how unfunny and generally awful is Larry the Cable Guy? Holy crap that guy sucks.
Josh: He makes more money than you do. -Worthington’s Law
Ali: “Imma fuck this blue chick.” – Sam Worthington’s Law
[RC] 12/23/11

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